Taylor Swift Only Has a Month Left to Enjoy Her Summer Fling with Conor Kennedy

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After they were spotted last Friday in Hyannisport walking extra close to one another, a source has confirmed that pixies are real, dogs can talk, the Moon is made of havarti cheese, and finally, “Taylor [Swift] is officially dating Conor Kennedy.” Meanwhile, alone in a dark gym listening to Metallica, Patrick Schwarzenegger performed dumbbell curls furiously, determined that next time he and Taylor met, his biceps would be so big she’d just have to date him instead of his cousin.

Though Swift was rumored to be prodding Schwarzenegger’s pectoral muscles over July 4th, a recent beach visit with Kennedy led to all those summery hookup tropes we’ve come to expect from New England summers thanks to Summer Catch — nosy observers say that Swift and Kennedy walked on the beach, bounced on the trampoline, and even made-out chastely behind the boat shed. Then they went for custard, played mini-golf, and fell asleep halfway through Sabrina, wondering the whole time what would happen at the end of the summer when they parted ways. Sigh, it’s already August… [Us]

Fearing that Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders were canoodling for months, Robert Pattinson is now reportedly hoping to have a really awkward, commiserating conversation with Liberty Ross, during which they’ll avoid direct eye contact while quietly munching on tea cakes in Ross’ sitting room. Then one of them will suggest that they even the score with their cheating SOs and, well, I think you know what happens next — strained, unenjoyable revenge sex. [Mirror]

When asked what she’s done to prepared for her fast-approaching nuptials to Justin Timberlake — Dance Android, Jessica Biel replied, “Almost nothing! I’m just enjoying being engaged.” Be on the lookout out for a special celebrity episode of My Fair Wedding in which Biel shows a horrified David Tutera all the N’Sync paper doll garlands and origami cranes she’s made as last-minute decorations. [Sun-Times]

Before you go thinking she’s a bona-fide star, Olivia Munn would like to remind you that she doesn’t consider herself a leading lady, not yet, anyway, so long as that Natalie Portman still has the lead in Swan Lake. Munn also isn’t Tom Cruise, a fact her mother once reminded her of: “It took a long time to convince my Asian mother that I could do it because she believed that only one person in the world could become a movie star and that was Tom Cruise. She’s like, ‘You’re not Tom Cruise!'” [AP]

According to Ryan Lochte‘s mom, the reason her son doesn’t have a girlfriend is because he’s super busy having sex with a bunch of different people. Rather than emotionally commit to someone, she told NBC, “He [Lochte] goes out on one-night stands. He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.” Then again, rumors are swirling that Lochte is maybe, possibly dating Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta star K. Michelle, at least according to these two tidbits of information: K. Michelle admitted in a press conference that she was dating a “white guy” who is coincidentally “a swimmer,” and she also tweeted a picture of Lochte, calling him her “pooh.” What else can we do with all these piles of evidence but assume that Lochte and K. Michelle will be married by an ordained polar bear at the end of a diving board overhanging the Arctic Ocean? [MSNBC, MTO World]

  • For the last time — Macaulay Culkin is most definitely not a heroin addict, says Macaulay Culkin’s talking automaton representative. [TMZ]
  • Mark your calendars — Robert Pattinson will make his first public appearance since parting with his lifemate on Aug. 13 at the New York premiere of Cosmopolis. [E!]
  • Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart are really pissed at fine salacious gossip purveyor In Touch for claiming that Smart got a handie from an exotic masseuse. [TMZ]
  • Jon Gosselin says he took the “high road” out of reality television and now he can no longer pay his rent because having eight kids and a diamond stud in his ear are both expensive lifestyle choices. [Radar]
  • Kristen Stewart is “hiding out” in the tornado shelter her parents built way back when she first started getting famous just in case a vicious media storm ever struck. [NYDN]
  • Despite the fracture of Robsten, Twilight mortal sidekick Christian Serratos is pretty sure that Breaking Dawn: Return of the Vampiric Jedi is still going to make a lot of money. [Us]
  • As part of a Disney photo shoot that’s too awesome to be real, Russell Brand posed as Captain Hook precariously straddling a crocodile’s mouth. Other celebrities featured in the teasing shoot included: Penelope Cruz posing as Belle, Olivia Wilde as the Evil Queen in Snow White, and Queen Latifah as Ursula. [E!]
  • Jermaine Jackson has “rescinded” his letter criticizing the Michael Jackson Estate. [TMZ]
  • So, um, remember that awful-sounding story about Janet Jackson slapping Paris Jackson? Totally didn’t happen. [TMZ]
  • Katy Perry doesn’t give a damn if she’s single or not single — she wants love to lead her around as if she were a saucer-eyed petting zoo pony. [Us]
  • Alicia Keys hopes her new album sets us all free from terrible pop music. [MTV]
  • Sadly, Tatum O’Neal is back in rehab, where her father Ryan O’Neal visits her on the regular with a care package nestled under his arm. [Radar]
  • Even though she wants no part of the movie, Elizabeth Olsen thinks Fifty Shades of Grey‘s success is good because it has helped women discuss their sexuality with as many adverbial clauses as they see fit to employ. [Express]
  • Alleged bar pugilist Cuba Gooding, Jr. met with New Orleans police Wednesday morning to resolve the tricky issue of his arrest warrant. He has now been issued a court summons so he can answer the allegations against him that he employed fisticuffs on a French Quarter bartender. [TMZ]
  • The anatomically superlative Joe Manganiello will be reprising his role as Marshall’s law school buddy on How I Met Your Mother. [E!]
  • Larry David will be awkwardly returning to HBO, but not with a new season of Curb — he’s developing a yet-to-be-titled movie. [AP]
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