The Dudefight to End All Dudefights Is Nigh

Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis will have to fight each other for the souls and votes of Floridians.

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The Dudefight to End All Dudefights Is Nigh
Image:Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

Despite the fact that Joe Biden has only been president for about 15 minutes, the Republican Party is well into the plotting phase of who will be their next great white knight, the one who will wrestle the party’s image from the clutches of MAGA Nation, or be big enough to serve as MAGA Nation’s sucessor. One man popular and evil enough to get the job done is Florida governor Ron DeSantis, however as Vanity Fair reports, DeSantis will first have to pry Republican support from Donald Trump’s cold dead hands if he wants to accomplish anything.

“Trump fucking hates DeSantis. He just resents his popularity,” a “Trump confidant” told Vanity Fair’s Gabriel Sherman. Unsurprisingly, Trump credits himself with making DeSantis, as he does with any other Republican that gets a modicum of attention from the press. Although DeSantis has mostly been towing the Trump party line with his mishandling of the coronavirus in Florida and general ass-licking of the former president, the two have reportedly found something to disagree on: Donald Trump had planned a campaign-style rally slated for the end of June in Sarasota, Florida. On June 24, a few days before the rally was scheduled to take place, a building collapsed outside of Miami, killing a confirmed 60 people with countless others potentially trapped under the rubble. (Officials announced on Wednesday that they were ending the search for survivors and focusing their efforts on recovery.) DeSantis’s office asked Trump’s team to cancel the rally out of respect for the tragedy and to not further complicate the search and rescue procedures underway. The rally took place the following weekend.

Meanwhile, DeSantis committed the ultimate betrayal: he praised Joe Biden’s response to the collapse and even took a picture with him. He may as well have spit in Trump’s face.

These two goblins are extremely popular in Florida and DeSantis, who is younger and objectively better looking than Trump, could easily turn the tide in his direction, were Trump in the business of backing down. However, Trump still believes he has some mythical claim to the presidency and likely has no intention to slink away quietly and let some young punk take his place. Let them fight!

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