The birds are a-chirping, it’s a midterm election year, and romance is in the air. Ah yes, as political parties gear up for the great battle in the Senate, the House and gubernatorial positions, once again we women who are eligible to vote are reminded of our importance to the great country of America as a ‘key demographic.’ And we’re about to get the crap wooed out of us.
While the idea of ‘wooing voters’ certainly isn’t new, Democrats and Republicans are taking the idea of wooing and courting us female voters to heart, and sometimes it’s unclear if we’re supposed to vote for a candidate or go steady with them. Case in point, three Colorado GOP gubernatorial candidates held an event to reach out to women in the form of ‘The Dating Game‘ because apparently that’s the only way female voters can consume political information. It’s patronizing, and sexist, and indicative of the prevailing idea that female voters need some extra TLC—unrelated to policy—to be enticed into voting.
As female voters, we get to enjoy witnessing the lengths the various (lol two) political parties will go to win our hand, whether it’s through actual platforms or attempts at interpellation, extending and impressing an ideology regarding women onto supposedly passive women. In midst of all this sexy election time romance, the question begs: political parties, do you like us or do you like like us? A girl’s gotta know these days because we don’t just give our vote to anyone.
So as we prepare for the inevitable onslaught of various campaigns and politician-approved messages specifically targeted at women, here’s a gal-friendly field guide on various major and minor political parties and how to make sure you get wooed by them. Sure it’s a two-party battle and not every party has a certified WOMAN PLATFORM, but ladies, keep your options open. You don’t have to give your vote to the first party to come a-calling.
Republican Party
Interests: Hunting. Long strolls on the beach property their family has owned for six generations. Talking about Benghazi.
Woo Tactics:
- “We’re working on it.”
- Largely relying on the notion that women are actually fictional creatures that are either hapless old school Disney princesses or some form of succubus
- Getting their wives and daughters to stand front and center as proof that they can know woman-things
- Turning gubernatorial races into dating shows
- Recruiting women to volunteer 30 minutes every day to engage other women about the (unspecified) issues and to use the power of the sewing circle to get other women to vote Republican as part of the ’14 in 14′ Initiative
- Castration
Guilty pleasures: Cashmere. Rap Music. Pre-marital sex.
How you can be wooed: Don’t be poor. Or a minority. Or a woman.
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