The Sky Is Red, 2+2=17, and Fish Are Olympic Figure Skaters: Trump’s 2026 State of the Union
Jezebel watched so you didn't have to.
Photo: Getty Images Politics
To listen to Trump’s one-hour-and-47-minute State of the Union address—the longest SOTU speech since they started recording length—was to live inside a country where everyone has a job, a house, a baby with a Trump savings account (don’t forget to visit Trumpaccounts.org!), basically free medication, the cheapest gas and food in history, and government-funded shoveling courtesy of the Department of Homeland Security. Who needs a castle on a hill when you’ve finally achieved a socialist paradise, am I right?
In other words, Trump told America on Tuesday night that 2+2=3,728 and that not only have fish learned to fly, but they’re now Olympic figure skaters.
More than 30 Democratic senators and representatives skipped and protested the SOTU, including Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-New York), Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-Ill.), and Sen. Ed Markey (D-Mass.), since Trump was obviously just going to say whatever the hell he wanted. Of the Democratic women in attendance, a majority wore white, which has become tradition in the last few years as a nod to women’s suffrage. And Texas Rep. Al Green was escorted out early on after holding up a sign that read, “Black People Aren’t Apes,” referring to Trump’s racist Truth Social post earlier this month of an AI video depicting the Obamas as apes. But ultimately, Democrats continue to…not do much to push back against this North-Korean-knockoff administration. What I would have given for someone to simply start a “Fuck ICE” chant.
Rep. Al Green was holding a sign that reads “Black People Aren’t Apes” at the #SOTU:
— Phil Lewis (@phillewis.bsky.social) February 24, 2026 at 9:15 PM
Because Republicans were chanting plenty—between their standing ovations every five minutes, they managed to work in not one, not two, not three, but at least four “USA!” chants. The first was after Rep. Green was escorted out. The next came after Trump went on a jarring monologue about how “We’re winning so much that we really don’t know what to do about it. People are asking me, ‘Please, Mr. President, we’re winning too much! We can’t take it anymore! We’re not used to winning in our country!” before bringing out the U.S. men’s Olympic gold medal-winning hockey team. (The gold medal-winning women’s team turned down the SOTU invite, though Trump claimed in his speech they’d be coming to the White House “soon.”) Republicans chanted again when Trump said that Democrats should be ashamed of themselves. Every utterance triggered a frat-party flashback where guys would chant “USA!” after some bro barely survived a 10-second keg stand.
At various points, Trump declared that it’s “the golden age of America,” that “our nation is back, bigger, better, richer, and stronger than ever before,” and that, after being in office for just one year, “we have achieved a transformation like no one has ever seen before.” Certain decades of European pre-World War II history might beg to differ.
“America is respected again, perhaps like never before,” he added, which is funny—not “haha” funny, but “stare longingly into the void” funny—since at least one of our allies is reportedly launching their own Epstein Files investigation because they don’t trust the DOJ.
He brought out some of his most baseless hits, like how he’s “ended eight wars” (the Trump admin has assisted in settling some regional conflicts, but “ending” a “war” is incorrect), that inflation under Biden hit record levels (inflation was at 2.9% in December 2024, and 3.0% when Trump took over in January 2025; the U.S. record for inflation is 23.7% in 1920); and how foreign countries are paying for tariffs, which technically, they aren’t—it’s the importer of the product, with the cost often trickling down to the consumer. This concept has been explained to us so many times at this point that I want an honorary economics degree.
On the subject of tariffs, less than a week after the Supreme Court handed Trump’s “emergency tariffs” a shocking 6-3 blow, only four Justices attended the address: Justice Brett Kavanaugh, Justice Elena Kagan, Justice Amy Coney Barrett, and Justice John Roberts. Kavanaugh was the only one there who agreed with the tariffs, along with Justices Sam Alito and Clarence Thomas—but Alito hasn’t been to a SOTU since 2010, and Clarence, not since 2006. Trump quickly mentioned the SCOTUS decision, calling it “very disappointing” and “very unfortunate,” while appearing to glare at Justice Coney Barrett.
He didn’t mention anything about abortion, which was expected, since the administration knows Americans overwhelmingly support abortion rights and the GOP is trying not to get demolished in the midterms. He also didn’t say anything about abortion in his 2025 State of the Union.
Trump, clutching the lectern and sounding raspy, is fighting for his life to get through this thing
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) February 24, 2026 at 10:58 PM
He did, of course, repeat one of his favorite lies about election fraud being “rampant” (it’s not), urging Democrats to pass the SAVE America Act, which would introduce stricter limits on voting and voting registration—potentially dissuading new voters and disenfranchising married women or LGBTQ voters if their current names are different than their birth certificates. As part of this diatribe, he then said of Democrats: “And the reason they don’t want to do it, why would anybody not want voter ID? One reason, because they want to cheat. There’s only one reason. They make up all excuses. They say it’s racist. They come up with things. You almost say, what imagination they have. They want to cheat, they have cheated and their policy is so bad that the only way they can get elected is to cheat and we’re going to stop it.” Doth protest much too much.
Before we wrap up this poisoned 63-course meal, may I interest you in another baseless claim about nameless fraud spreading widely across our country—like I imagine measles is about to. But not to worry, because Trump “officially” announced “the war on fraud to be led by our great Vice President, JD Vance.” He then turned around to look at Vance, which I’d guess is the first time Trump’s looked his way since election night. Hopefully daddy’s attention will keep Vance from saying weird, uncomfortable shit for like, one week.
I don’t know how Trump ended his speech because I went voluntarily deaf from all the USA chants and momentarily blind from staring at Trump, Vance, and House Speaker Mike Johnson—who monitors his porn intake with his son—for over 90 minutes. Near the end, though, he declared that “we love religion” and that it’s “coming back at levels nobody thought possible.” We’ll save that as a headline for the 2027 State of the Union, but I suppose I’ll start sewing myself a red cape.
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