The Transportation Security Agency has long been maligned for making us take off our shoes and go through a metal detector fifteen times before someone is finally happy. This Instagram won’t make up for all that, but it’s probably the most amusing/informative thing you will see today.
Did you know that when the TSA confiscates something from you they can then post photos online? Well, if you’ve ever wondered whether anyone at the TSA does ANYTHING, you should stroll right over to their feed and see the WTF items people tried to bring on board. In the cheerful and helpful way that real life airport employees never actually are, the Instagram lets you know not only what you can’t bring on the plane ( vapes, Tracie), but exactly how you can transport your stash of fifty guns and six million bullets. (You going to ask any questions about them guns, TSA?) And it’s a good thing that it’s just items they can photograph, because it would be a hell of a different feed if there were pictures of me arguing with an agent who had just wanded me because my calves were too bulky (sad) or a photo of my partner exlaimng “DARNSICLE!” as the agents made him empty his thermos on our way to Disneyland. (Actually, that was pretty cute.)
Here are just some of the awesome things the TSA has confiscated. (No, there are no vibrators.) (Please stop asking!)
A decorative sword for the purpose of ritualized murder:
A gun-knife for when you just can’t decide:
I basically have no words for this one. I had no idea that knives could be combined with so many different things. It’s like a whole new world of terror:
Why are you trying to hide blades in a greeting card, bro? The photo boasts a cheeful caption about the fact that all blades must be checked, but mentions nothing about the fact that someone actually hid weapons in a greeting card and what happened to them. I truly believe that this is the new “For sale: baby shoes, never worn” of our generation and if someone knows who this person is, please for god’s sake ask them to comment on this because the mystery will kill me if the blades won’t.
This beautiful collage, which I’ve entitled This Is Very Likely the Way You Will Die, is not a retrospective of all the horrors the TSA has ever found. These were discovered in one carry-on bag. The TSA gently urges you to check with your state to see if silencers are legal before you pack one in your suitcase before a hired hit.
This photo is entitled This Is Absolutely the Way You Will Die And Also What Hell Looks Like.
h/t: Your Slow News Day