There are roughly three varieties of celebrity breakup. First, you have your conscious uncouplings, civil partings announced in publicist-penned essays filled with vows to remain friends and/or loving co-parents. This type of split is followed by polite silence, or, more rarely, genuine-seeming amity. Then, there are the bitter breakups, where there appears to be nothing but acrimony on both sides (see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s divorce, which is currently in its 5th year). Finally, we’ve got the lopsided heartbreaks, in which half of the couple appears to have moved on, while the other half seems determined to go down with the ship of their one-time romance. (We’re not talking about breakups that result in genuinely troubling behavior—think corny love songs, not long-term harassment.)
These days, the celebrities who have the hardest time letting go are often the ex-boyfriends and husbands of some of the most celebrated women on the planet. Anyone can see that it would be tough to watch Jennifer Lopez or Rihanna walk out of your life. But have some pride! Getting dumped is no excuse to embarrass your ex, or to make us, the captive spectators of your love life, want to cringe our faces off.
