Hatchimals, those cursed toys bred from unboxing video culture for kids wherein a mysteriously cuddly creature emerges from a plastic egg, have evolved. Their latest form is Hatchimals WOW, an egg that births a Llamacorn (part-llama, part-unicorn) from a giant, glittery pink shell. The Llamacorn grows to be 32″ inches in height, and absolutely, definitely, without a single doubt in my mind, looks exactly like a dick.
Before I move any further: If you want to get this for your kid, go forth, just be aware of its mature shape, ok? Got it? Good.
I know this isn’t the main concern of toy developers, but couldn’t they give this Hatchimal creature more… girth… or something… to ensure it is wide enough to not look like a giant phallus? Imagine, all the young kids who will admire its size as if to say, “Look, mum, a massive knob! That’s bloody brilliant.” All of this could’ve been avoided if the Llamacorn could shake off its egg prison… Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not a toy doctor. But I am intimately familiar with penis, and Hatchimals WOW, my friends, is a penis.