Ughhh, Will Kate Winslet's Baby Have the Last Name Rocknroll?

CelebritiesDirt Bag

GUYS, Titanic was on the Hallmark Channel a while ago, and now I am thinking that perhaps this was the magic eve* that Kate Winslet became pregnant with her first child from her third marriage to Ned Rocknroll, the gadabout nephew of Richard Branson. Her two older children, 12 and 9 respectively, are from her marriages to Jim Threapleton and Sam Mendes respectively (who, rumor has it, left her for his mistress Rebecca Hall. Scandal!)

A rep for Winslet and Rocnkroll says that “Kate and Ned are delighted.” Back in 2008, she told InStyle that she wanted more kids: “I’m hoping to have more kids. I don’t know whether one or two. Oh, God, I would love to have more.” The bad news is that every time you type “Ned Rocknroll,” a fairy gets spinabifida. [People]

Noted fake handjob-giver Jennifer Love Hewitt — whose pregnancy was a big deal yesterday until Kate Winslet blocked her shine — is engaged to her former Love Bites co-star Brian Hallisay, the father of her brand-new womb nugget. The two started dating 15 months ago, and she is 3 months pregnant. Congratulations! I CAN’T HARDLY WAIT (hayOH) to break the news to every boy who was 14 in 1999. Prepare for a spike in light crime rates and twenty-something males weeping openly on stoops. [Us Weekly]

There are many ways to get over a breakup: Boxes of Devil Dogs, drinking, rebounding with a guy you meet at a place that does “bottle service,” drinking, screaming, and drinking. Kristen Stewart is going to Guantanamo to star in a movie called Camp X-Ray as “a young soldier who escapes her suffocating small town by joining the military, only to find that she isn’t going for a tour of duty in Iraq as she hoped. Instead, she’s sent to Guantanamo. Met with hatred and abuse from the Muslim men in her charge, she forges an odd friendship with a young man who has been imprisoned at Gitmo for eight years.”

TRUE FACTZ: I think I heard this story on This American Life. But it did not mention that she had just gotten out of a long-term co-dependent relationship with a member of the undead. [Vulture]

In an interview for the July issue of Vanity Fair, brand-new dad Chay Tates says that he did not enjoy being on generous amounts of academic speed during his school days.

“I truly believe some people need medication. I did not. I did better at school when I was on it, but it made me a zombie. You become obsessive. Dexedrine, Adderall. It’s like any other drug. It’s like coke, or crystal meth. The more you do, the less it works. For a time, it would work well. Then it worked less and my pain was more. I would go through wild bouts of depression, horrible comedowns. I understand why kids kill themselves. I absolutely do. You feel terrible. You feel soul-less. I’d never do it to my child.”

He is also worried about Justin Bieber’s transformation into a spoiled piece of shit. [Vanity Fair]

  • A sex tape that absolutely nobody wants to see featuring Joe Francis is being shopped around. [TMZ]
  • Miguel was ordered not to jump at the Billboard Awards before he defied them and crushed that lady’s brain stem. [TMZ]
  • Brangelina had a birthday dinner (for her) in Paris. [People]
  • Will Arnett and Megan Fox got tacos and hung out. NEWS NEWS NEWSNEWS. [People]
  • 14-year-old Brooklyn Beckham in a tux looks disturbingly like an adult. [People]
  • Rose Byrne and Bobby Cannavale finally stepped out as a couple. Oh god, I LOVE this, my heart’s gonna burst. [Us Weekly]
  • A New Kids On The Block concert in Canada was cancelled thanks to border disputes. [TMZ]
  • Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner and Michael Shannon did some “partying,” “laughing” and “hugging.” [Page Six]
  • Michelle Williams is dating a Booth Jonathan. [Page Six]
  • Amanda Bynes apologized for calling her ex Kid Cudi ugly, saying her account was hacked. [NYDN]
  • Buy Kanye’s old apartment. It has a “freestanding stone basin” in the shitter. [Radar Online]
  • Were you aware that super-enthusiastic Diet Pepsi drinker Sofia Vergara has breasts? [Page Six]
  • Do you know the muffin man? Or Pamela Anderson’s underboobs? They both live on Drury Lane. [NYDN]
  • Everyone looks nice in selfies, but Ellen Pompeo especially. [Just Jared]
  • Mad Men’s Jared Harris got engaged to longtime girlfriend Allegra Riggio. [People]
  • Buy something from Connie Britton’s closet for charity! Alas, her sparkling, mature sense of womanhood is not for sale. [Us Weekly]
  • A picture of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux at Lake Bell’s wedding because why not? Also, I don’t really like that dress on her. [People]
  • U guise going to Jimmy Kimmel’s bachelor party? See you there. [Us Weekly]

*I was conceived after a Pat Benetar concert, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there so derp.

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