Vintage Lois Lane Comics Reveal She Was Manipulative & Marriage-Obsessed

By Dodai Stewart  |  March 4, 2011 | 11:37pm
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A friend who knows I love this kind of stuff gave me four old issues of Superman’s Girl Friend Lois Lane, a DC Comics title published between 1958 and 1974. These relics of a time gone by are hilariously terrible! I’d always thought of Lois as the practical, hard-nosed reporter, but I guess that was all Margot Kidder’s doing. In these comics, without fail, Lois is a posessive, jealous, needy, self-centered harpie who repeatedly attempts to persuade, bully or trick Superman into marrying her.

In issue 89, “featuring Lois as The Bride Of Batman,” published in January of 1969, Lois goes waterskiing, dancing and picnicing with Bruce Wayne, and ends up marrying him, not knowing he is Batman. Superman is insanely jealous, but is Bruce Wayne’s best man at the ceremony. Sadly, the true injured party in all this is Robin, who sulks, “I remember when I came first here! Bruce shared his secrets only with me!” Poor thing. (click to enlarge)

In “Lois Lane, GUILTY!” — published in February of 1970, Lois Lane and Lana Lang get into a hair-pulling brawl over Superman. After a car accident in which Lana dies, Lois goes to jail for Lana’s murder! There’s even a scene of Lois looking out at the moon through the bars on her cell window, saying “Superman! I need you as I never needed you before!” By the way, Lois’ prison uniform is a cute blue minidress. (click to enlarge)

When Supergirl arrives, in issue 14 — printed in September of 1965 — she uses her superpowers to clean up the house! Except then Lois doesn’t get a chance to do any housework. “A woman likes to feel needed! Sob!” This issue also contains dishy details about Superman’s scandalous past relationships, with Lori The Mermaid and Cleopatra. Unexplained: Why Lori wears a shirt underwater. (click to enlarge)

Even though Lois Lane is supposedly an investigative journalist, attention must be paid to what’s really important: Her hair! (click to enlarge)

The best issue October 1968’s “All-Wedding Issue,” in which Lois says she’d trade her soul to be Superman’s wife — and the Devil himself shows up. This scene occurs, of course, after Lois and Jimmy Olsen go to the opera and see Faust. Sample dialogue from Lois: “Superman’s proposing just as Satan said he would!” Later, Superman uses his heat vision to carve “S Loves LL” into a tree. You can’t make this crap up! (click to enlarge)

The books are a sign of the times, and mark how far we’ve come — not as many women sobbing over not being able to do housework — and also, what we’re still obsessed with — the desperate-for-marriage stuff is right out of The Bachelor. Things got better for Lois Eventually, according to Wikipedia:

By the 1970s, the stories began to reflect growing social awareness: Lois became less fixated on romance, and more on current issues. In the controversial story “I Am Curious (Black)!” in #106 (Nov. 1970),[7] for example, Lois uses a machine that allows her to experience racism firsthand as an African American woman.

 
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