British divorcee Amanda Rodgers decided she’d finally had enough of “playing the field” and married the only one she knows will love her loyally without any of the drama and bullshit—-her loving dog Sheba.
In what’s being described as a “romantic” ceremony (NO. STAHHHHP.), Rodgers and her dog wed in Croatia surrounded by 200 guests, according to The Mirror:
The 46-year-old divorcee wore black stockings and suspenders for the
ceremony while Sheba wore a more traditional white bridal frock. The
Metro reports that she said: “Sheba had been in my life for years,
making me laugh and comforting me when I was feeling low. I couldn’t
think of anything more I’d need from a life partner.”
I’m assuming that for Sheba, this was probably one of those “surprise weddings” we’ve all been hearing so much about. They’re calling this “weird news,” but I’d rather call it “why the hell not,” news! I mean, fuck it. Let’s all marry our dogs. I’m not necessarily saying I approve of this, but when I read it I did immediately rattle off an instant list of reasons why my dog would make a better life partner than my current boyfriend. I’m talking about true love/soul mate kinds of stuff. I just mean, in general, there’s a couple of reasons why the dog is just easier to live with:
- The dog doesn’t inexplicably use every dry towel in the house after their shower and then leave them all on the floor.
- The dog has never once made me sit through a Green Bay Packers game.
- When the dog farts, the dog doesn’t try to blame it on another dog or person.
- The dog has never turned my kitchen into a hellscape mountain of dirty pots and pans and dishes from “trying to make some eggs or something in here.”
- The dog’s feet smell OK. Not great. But at least OK.
- The dog didn’t get make me go to Game Stop and flirt my way into getting a higher spot on the wait list for Playstation 4.
- The dog didn’t try and hang a “Schlitz Malt Liquor” wall hanging
(depicting a giant bull) on our living room wall because “it looks fancy.”
I just came up with these on the spur of the moment, top of my head. It’s not like I’ve been obsessing over reasons why the dog is better than the man for months or something. No. That would just be ridiculous.
Image via Shutterstock.
