Would You Live in the $24.99 Million Trekkie Nightmare Palace?

Would You Live in the $24.99 Million Trekkie Nightmare Palace?
Screenshot:Andy Frame

Welcome to Would U Live There, a new series in which we decide if we would live in a celebrity or otherwise notable home. Here are the rules: You can’t change anything about the space (the furniture, art, fixtures, upholstery, and weird bric-a-brac all stay as is) and we are judging a home based purely on its interior, so ignore things like fancy location, rent, or property taxes. You also have to live there until you die. This is supposed to be fun and kind of philosophical so everyone be cool. Let’s Would U.

What happens to your brain when you are granted extreme wealth? Nothing good, certainly: you instruct your children to pose with water polo equipment, you acquiesce to your parents’ request that you pose with water polo equipment, and you feed and protect a ravenous system that facilitates mass suffering and the earth’s eventual death.

You also build overly large houses in Boca Raton, Florida and fill them with insane shit. One such custom-built home, which has been for sale on and off for years and is currently listed at $24.99 million, features “nine bedrooms, 10 full bathrooms and six half-baths, and an eat-in chef’s kitchen,” according to a recent New York Post story noting its return to the market.

It also has a movie theater and a large arcade.

This is the house:

The kitchen (yo):


The bar, where you might say to yourself, voice gravelly from disuse, “come here often, ha ha”:


The living room, which honestly gets nice light:


A timeless and relaxing place to sit:


Let’s begin:

Megan Reynolds: I would fucking live here are you out of your mind?

Prachi Gupta: This house is literally what I imagined as a dream home when I was 5.

Rich Juzwiak: Can I say yes yet? My answer is yes.

Clover Hope: Maybe I would just because it’s big. I might deal with anything for more space.

Hazel Cills: Okay I’ve just seen the game room and decided I WOULD live here. While I’m not a Star Trek fan I do love an arcade. I would love to play those games until I die. Thank you.

Rich Juzwiak: I’m sorry, the question is will I live in a $25 million mansion? Yes, thank you. I love the theater so much. A movie theater is all I want. And a gym actually, which I think this must have. So yes.

Prachi Gupta: You know…. I would. I would maybe cordon off certain rooms and tell myself, and my guests, they were haunted.

Katie McDonough: This backfired so hard.

Megan Reynolds: Katie is really upset about this. She’s lecturing us out loud.

Ashley Reese: I can’t change ANYTHING, Katie?

Katie McDonough: Right, you can’t change anything! You have to be like, “I will die looking at this Hello Kitty pillow.”

Maria Sherman: Oh, I could imagine dying there.

Hazel Cills: People are too serious about this!

Frida Garza: Hazel we have to live in the house until we die, it’s pretty serious! It’s almost like a prison, with a pool though.

Katie McDonough: Yes, Frida! This is almost like a prison, thank you!

Stassa Edwards: I would absolutely live in the Boca mansion because the school district is great and then I’d lie and tell everyone that it is Ariana Grande’s childhood home.

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: I love the pool and the roominess but the decor is appalling and is like Gene Roddenberry’s The Yellow Wallpaper.

Kelly Faircloth: I’m sorry but I would only live in a Farscape or Stargate SG-1 house.

Maria Sherman: My standards are on the ground and normally I would anything, but I must say no to this place.

Esther Wang: Honestly, they did not take the Star Trek theme far enough. You can’t half ass a Star Trek themed house.

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: I would live there ONLY if it was the Next Generation.

Ashley Reese: I’m just looking at all the Yoda wall art. And just like really looking at it. I wouldn’t live here.

Megan Reynolds: The pool is good for eating a grip of marijuana and floating on your back. I actually have envy tears looking at the pool.

Ashley Reese: Even if it was a Harry Potter themed house that was that big I wouldn’t live in it!!!

Frida Garza: I would absolutely not live here but I would be their neighbor and sneak into their pool at night or when they’re gone. This house is bad, I gotta say. I’m a no.

Megan Greenwell: I would for the fancy shower and the outdoor area and the fancy bathrooms and the theater and the fact that I could live somewhere other than a fourth-floor walkup shoebox. Anyone who disagrees is a maniac. The theater seats RECLINE INTO BEDS.

Katie McDonough: Comments are closed.

Prachi Gupta: This will be the first and last post in Katie’s greatest column.

Now fellow travelers, Would U?

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