You Don't Have to Watch Succession

Perhaps, like myself, several people in your life have been telling you to watch this HBO show Succession. The dark comedy follows the shifty actions of the fictional Roy family who oversee a gigantic, super-rich media company with vague branches in theme parks and digital media, clearly inspired by businessmen like Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch. Perhaps your dad is telling you to check out Succession, or your boyfriend’s best friend, or several pieces of content strewn across the web that compare it to shows you actually like, like Game of Thrones or Veep.

But I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to watch Succession.

Perhaps, like me, you did try to watch Succession. You wanted to see what the hype was all about, so you gave it a chance. And you turned on the hour-long episode only to discover that it’s actually a collection of Shutterstock photos tagged to “stressed work meeting” that somehow became a television show.

And so, I say, you don’t have to watch Succession.

Because, in my opinion, the show plays like a senior thesis for the Aaron Sorkin school of dialogue, where characters give terse, drawn-out monologues in hushed tones, staring their enemy of choice in the eyes while they tell them they’re going to “lock you in a golden cage and fuck you with a silver dildo.” And yes I only watched one episode, so please take everything I’m saying with a grain of salt, but honestly I have a family of 14 boys to raise and I simply don’t have time to sit in front of a TV all day trying out new things.

So I still don’t think anyone needs to watch Succession.

So put on another episode of Terrace House, or a rerun of your favorite episode of your favorite show you’ve watched three times already, and rest easy, because nobody cares if you don’t watch Succession.