A Dressy Night At The Museum


The Whitney Museum of American Art hosted a gala last night, where we saw some very un-artfully placed ruffles, two DJs who share one persona, and some great eyewear.

Mama’s getting old, but the idea of two men dressed exactly alike, who share one name, “AndrewAndrew,” who were profiled in the New York Times as having a “radical commitment to mirroring each other,” and are known primarily for their DJ work (and the radical mirroring) is cool, right? I don’t know. I know this get up is fun. Those glasses look like orange popsicles, and I love me some Fair Isle sweater vest action. The peek of green gingham is nice too, but I think they could have done without the magenta bowties. It’s overkill. Rosamond Bernier looks absolutely fabulous. Royal purple royally suits her and I’ll always love a good accordion pleat. The lady knows art and couture like I know… um, candy. Julian Schnabel looks cute wheeling her around, doesn’t he? The black dress Marilyn Minter is wearing is a classic sad sack dress, but she looks so happy to be at the Whitney with her husband that the dress is somehow elevated by association.

Georgina Chapman in her own Marchesa design, which, unfortunately, looks sloppy and unflattering on her. The sheer trim on the side and peeking out from underneath look like mistakes that haven’t been properly snipped off. It’s very odd that the back laces up, corset-style, and once again, looks really sloppy. If you look at her dress close up, everything looks raw and unfinished. It’s neither a deconstructed dress nor a tailored, structured one. It’s a mess,. The spider ring is really cool, but would go so much better with a glamorous dress (to add a bit of edge) or something edgy (to add a bit of glam). Her purse looks like an oversized glasses case, doesn’t it?

Bar Refaeli is also in a Marchesa design, and I like this one a lot, but there’s a sloppiness here that can be directly attribute to the overzealous ruffling. I adore ruffles, but I want my ruffles to be thoughtful, you know? The slinky, non-ruffled part of her dress is really sexy, and I almost wonder what this dress would look like if we took the ruffles away and just left the slinky part. It was a fine choice to go more low-key and natural with her hair and make-up, and I’m especially fond of her side braid.

Joanne Leonhardt Cassullo is dressed smartly for a gala event. I wonder if her dress is velvet? I love the little sheer sleeves, the long gold cross, and the blood red sash. Very witchy vibes. Michelle Monaghan is in the third Marchesa dress of the night and at first glance, I thought I liked it quite a bit, but now that I’m looking at it more closely, all I can see is how cheap and tacky the glittery silver swirls on her dress look, and the awkward pouf of ruffle just below her boobs. It honestly looks like an ice skating costume reconstructed into a cocktail dress.

Does Tinsley Mortimer ever consider wearing her hair in a different way? I swear it always looks like this no matter what the occasion or outfit. The girl looks good in navy, but the single strap on her shoulder looks silly, and so does that muppet fringe. Those shoes, on the other hand, are making me frisky. That cuff is awesome but deserves to be paired with a dress that isn’t as desperate to look edgy as this one. Her BF, Brian Mazza looks snazzy in his suit, and if I see one more stylish article of clothing in gray, then I’m going to take back all the mean things I’ve been saying about that color!

Hot pink dresses are always hot on blondes, but this one would have been hotter if the neckline weren’t so weirdly high and didn’t extend into her armpits like that. But other than that minor quibble, it looks great on Amanda Hearst. Lorraine Arbus is wearing something that probably needs to be judged in a completely different universe from the rest of these outfits. She’s swathed in gold fishscales, people! I love it. Tamara Mellon hits all of my fashion sweet spots—sheer long sleeves, black velvet, illusion netting, and vampy nails.

Coco Rocha phoned it in last night, didn’t she? Maybe it’s just hard to see from the way these photos were taken, but are there any style elements to this dress? I see a lumpy knot at the waist. Also, it freaks me out when people do a big smokey eye and a super pale lip. It makes perfectly healthy faces look anemic.

John Legend is sharp in his tux, but his girlfriend, Chrissy Teigen’s gown is a cliché. Leo and Yvon Villareal are looking a little sloppy and underdressed for this thing. It’s also hard for me to accept something that looks that tropical and beachy for New York in October. Muffie Poster Aston and her husband Dr. Aston are dressed exactly the way rich benefactors of the arts are expected to dress—classic tux, luxe gown.

Jeff Koons and his wife Justine make a beautiful couple, don’t they? Justine looks really elegant dressed in all black and carrying a cool, tan clutch. I wear quilted jackets, like the one Philippe Petit is wearing, all the time in the winter. They’re so warm and you make you look like you don’t give a shit. Designer Yigal Azrouel is pretty foxy and stylish. The guy knows how to layer, although I wonder if he’s dressed too casually for a gala at the Whitney.

It’s the glasses edition! From left to right: Jeffrey Deitch is wearing the best frames of the night; I had no idea Julian Schnabel was wearing a KNITTED TIE; and everything about Tom Sachs is disheveled, from his hair to his crooked bowtie, but those glasses are ace.

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