Adam Levine's 'I'm Not a Douche' Profile Proves He's a Major Douche
LatestIn the latest issue of GQ, Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine confronts a question that’s plagued him relentlessly over the past year (and possibly throughout his entire career): Is Adam Levine a douchebag? Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Yesssssssssssssssss.
The profile, written by New York Magazine‘s Jessica Pressler, confronts the media’s obsession with Levine’s douchebaggery straight off the bat. Not to be a Levine-level braggart here, but Jezebel really spearheaded this movement — although it seems necessary to point out that we tend to be a little more creative with our similes and metaphors around these parts and rarely resort to straight up calling him a douchebag.
Even GQ notices this, quoting my line from the article “Adam Levine Is Not the Sexiest Man Alive. Adam Levine Is the Worst” where I said that Levine was “the human equivalent of testing positive for chlamydia.”
Here’s some HOT behind-the-scenes gossip: Since writing that piece, I have had THREE nightmares where Adam Levine has confronted me about being so mean. In one, he approached me — dressed in patchwork pants, but that’s neither here nor there — and said, “That was super uncool. I’m a really nice person and you don’t even know me.”
I awoke in a cold sweat after that and am considering having the lyrics to “This Love” tattooed across my face in penance. It really has taken its toll on me.
When Pressler mentions in her article that Levine in person is “quick and witty and unfailingly polite,” I start to fear that Dream Adam was right to confront me, but my guilt doesn’t last long. In spite of his wit and politeness, the singer quickly falls back on his “douchebag” persona, showing how, if anything, he embraces and profits off of it.
When asked to grapple with the possibility that he might indeed be (or at least come off as) a douchebag, Pressler writes that:
…[Levine had] come up with three indicators of douchiness. A lack of self-awareness. “That’s big,” he said. Levine is definitely self-aware. Arrogance. “I’m not arrogant,” he protested. “I’m cocky. It’s different. Cocky is playful.” The third was insecurity. “Or masking deep insecurity with too much security,” he said. Arguably, posing naked on the cover of a Russian magazine with his last Victoria’s Secret model girlfriend could fit the bill. But it doesn’t really. “I’m confident,” he said. “Some people don’t like confidence. They resent confidence.” This is true, and it may be the main reason Levine is so often slapped with the douchebag label. Modern celebrities are supposed to be hiding cellulite and driving Priuses, not driving flamboyant Ferraris and dating models and exposing extremely enviable, well-toned abs. Even though all those things…are objectively awesome. It’s not cool.
While Levine’s love of “objectively awesome” things like flashy sports cars and Victoria’s Secret models does make him come off like John Hughes movie villain (one whose rich dad lets him use the basement as band rehearsal space), it’s not the heart of what makes him a “douche.”
This, on the other hand, is: