American Music Awards 2022: The Best and Worst Looks and the Artists We Had to Google

The 50th Annual American Music Awards aired live from Los Angeles’ own Microsoft Theater on Sunday, and if that sounds like a monumental occasion, allow me to inform you that you’re wrong. Wayne Brady (of Whose Line Is It Anyway? fame) hosted, and the guest list read like the wedding of a high school friend who invited you out of obligation (read: there were more people we had never heard of than those we had).

Machine Gun Kelly went full purple porcupine (or voodoo doll), Taylor Swift slipped in mid-show to collect her Best Pop Album award in a rhinestone jumpsuit, and Anitta wore comma-shaped cut-outs on her butt cheeks. Here’s the good, bad, and the barely recognizable!

Simple. Timeless. Difficult to pee in. It’s none other than the gold jumpsuit, folks. And it’s the time-honored sartorial statement of a winner who’s secure enough to spend an extra 10 minutes taking it off and putting it on again in the one of the theater’s bathroom stalls. Where does she have to go? Besides back on stage to accept another award, of course.

If this ensemble is any indication that Pink has finally left her aerial performances in the past, I’m stoked. However, I’m concerned it means a stint on Dancing with the Stars is imminent.

Ah yes, yet another attempt at recreating the head-to-toe denim red carpet moment first seen on Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake circa 2001. Unfortunately, every last one has failed its iconic predecessor. Even—regretfully—yours, Kim Petras.

A pastel sequin gown? For Carrie Underwood? Groundbreaking.

Now, I know Sheryl Lee Ralph is happily married, but she has the energy of a divorced woman who’s just left a man who hasn’t sexually satisfied her in over a decade. I respect her dedication to Euphoria makeup, and her body is bangin,’ but she appears to be...just kind of trying shit. Make no mistake, though. I am, forever, With Her™ as she figures it all out.

It’s loud! It’s whimsical! It’s textured! It’s leggy! She’s feline it, and so am I.

Hot take: I am ready for men to move on from pearls. It’s time to opt for a gem. A ruby, perhaps? Hell, any semi-precious stone would be better than one more tired strand of these things—especially Puth’s, which appears to have come from Claire’s.

Poor Dove. She and Tinashe (see slide 19) showed up in the same outfit, and her assistant took off her jacket to tie it around her waist for a little twist. Don’t worry, babe: The braids, fingerless gloves, and talons aren’t as bad as Tinashe’s accompaniments (a generous term for accessories).

Me on National Hug A Newsperson Day.

Bebe Rexha is a woman of immense talent; capable of creating the kind of earworm pop music you’re probably not even aware she had a hand in. Quite simply: She deserves better than this.

Apart from the purple eye shadow, it’s giving eleganza!

Meghan Trainor has been away for a while. Unfortunately, no one told her the culture has experienced pink suit fatigue.

Until tonight, I could not identify a single member of Imagine Dragons in a lineup, let alone find one individual who’d admit they’re a fan. Now, after seeing this picture of frontman, Dan Reynolds, I am googling the lyrics to “Sucker for Pain” and following update accounts on Twitter. Fellow fire breathers (all two of you), we ride at dawn.

Comma-on down, Ms. Anitta! A pause? Baby, I’m taking one!

A velvet catsuit complete with a horsebit belt? And a surprise appearance from Missy Elliot, bedecked in a bedazzled Versace set? Take a gander at every visible face in the background. My mug has experienced a similar journey, thanks to these two showstoppers.

I know, I know. Every starlet worth knowing has worn a Joan of Arc breastplate on the red carpet in 2022. I should be over it by now. I’m not.

One thing about Sabrina Carpenter? She only knows one hairstyle, which is a pity, because a ponytail or a ballerina bun would’ve instantly taken this rhinestone fringe number from an 8.5 to a 10. However, it does have a matching jacket, therefore, she’s forgiven.

I don’t know who these individuals are, but if they saw me from across the bar and told me they liked my vibe, I’d be down. The peek-a-boo thigh cleavage is quite the flex. It’s business up north, a little party down south, and European all over.

See what I mean about Dove? Unfortunately, Tinashe chose a scuffed pair of platforms and a pair of shades from a Marc Jacobs sample sale. That choice is almost as unforgivable as Jacobs’ faux-locs on the runway.

A veil at the AMA’s? It’s bold. It’s brave. It’s ever-so-slightly out of place. I love it.

Latto hit up Spirit Halloween just as it was closing up shop for the season, and you know what? If there’s any red carpet to just fuck around and be a goth bride on, it’s the AMAs.

I feel like Joan thought she was being whisked to Ibiza, but she should’ve known she was just going to another lame award show when her date threw on the first four items he found on the floor.

The color is perfection. The fit? It’s giving off-the-rack from Century City Mall. I know she’s still on the up and up, but she’s worked hard enough. Give Flo Milli a stylist already!

Holly Golightly if—in some alternate universe—she woke up and thought, “Forget Tiffany’s. Today, I think I’ll go to a C-list award show, dahling.”

Another person I don’t know, but I googled her. Apparently, her debut single was entitled, “Pain,” which is precisely what I feel looking at this outfit.

If you could go back in time, would you rob a 2014-era Forever 21? They would. I don’t hate it, I just wish they would’ve invited me.