Fuck Santa! Kirk Cameron's New Movie Gives Baby Jesus His Birthday Back

Let me tell you guys my idea of a perfect Christmas. You wake up like it’s any other day—it might not feel like December 25, it might even feel like, say, August 27—you go to work, you eat your sandwich, you shoulder life’s banality with the resignation of a much older woman, and then…someone sends you a link. You click. Oh my god. My god. KIRK CAMERON IS DOING AND SAYING STUFF AGAIN!!!!! IT REALLY IS THE BABY JESUS’S BIRTHDAY!

Specifically, Kirk Cameron is making a movie called Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas, in which Kirk Cameron goes around just fucking saving Christmas nonstop. Saving it from what, you might ask? Well, let’s hear from Kirk Cameron himself!

Via Laura Turner:

The opening line of the trailer for the film asks if you, the potential viewer, ever feel like Christmas is being hijacked by commercialism, or by people who want to “replace ‘Merry Christmas’ with ‘Happy Holidays’ or ‘Season’s Greetings’–whatever that means.” That is a really good point. Who knows what “Happy Holidays” even means??

…Cameron went on in his interview with The Blaze: “It’s obvious that there is a deliberate attempt to snuff out the holy root that has produced all this wonderful Christmas-time fruit. I think it’s about time someone spoke out and made a movie about this…Christianity…is the ideology that built this country.”

In other words, Kirk Cameron made a movie about how mean atheists and goat-people from the pit have banded together to distract America from the true meaning of the end part of December: What theologians refer to as Mother Mary’s Big Squirt.