Game of Boners: The One With the Friends

I’lllllll be there for youuuu! When the “Rains of Castamere” starts to playyyy!

As far as Game of Thrones episodes go, the second episode of season five—”The House of Black and White”—was a pretty wholesome one! Not only was there relatively little violence (what’s a minor beheading after you’ve seen Oberyn Martell get his cranium literally squeezed open?) and nary a boner in sight, but it was also all about friendship and the power of an alliance. AW.

Some friendships were merely reaffirmed. A world-weary Arya, somehow still wearing the same outfit that she first put on when she was a full foot shorter, arrives in Braavos and is reunited with the faceless man who, for our purposes, we’ll refer to as Jaqen H’ghar. Arya and Jaqen saved each other’s asses several times back in season two and now that Arya’s been whittled down to nothing but resilience and a thirst for vengeance, Jaqen is ready to train her to become an expert and unrecognizable assassin.

Jon’s friendship with Sam serves him well when Sam nominates Jon as the new Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and Jon wins. If there’s a lesson in this, it’s that constantly martyring yourself ONLY leads to success and popularity. Go ahead and try it in your own workplace. You’ll see.

Whether or not this will be good for Jon in the long run is TBD. Stannis Baratheon seems preeeeetty thirsty for him to pledge loyalty (even offering to legitimize Jon as a Stark and make him lord of Winterfell if lays his sword at his feet—finally: a good gay sex scene!) and, as we all know, the Night’s Watch is very clear about serving the realm, not a king. Stannis has never been particularly chill about people saying no to him and I can’t imagine this will change just because Jon is Commander of the Night’s Watch and has the silky curls and mournful pout of a beautiful, bashful shepherd boy.

Then there are the friendships that come as a surprise. While Brienne of Tarth has been nothing but annoyed with the presence of her steward Podrick, she’s pretty quick to sink her sword into the men who mean to do him harm. Of course, this is only revealed when they’re confronted by another new alliance. Sansa Stark, given the chance to escape with Brienne, decides that she’s quite comfortable sticking with Littlefinger, thank you very much. Sure, he might be a selfish old creep, but he’s her selfish old creep, you know?