Hey, Another Jowly Cornpone Idiot Is Running for President!


Mike Huckabee, an affable man with deplorable ideas, is also running for President. Huckabee is most recently noted for having an intense fixation on the moral hazards of Beyoncé, gays, and contraception. He also recently wrote a book that was called—and this isn’t me making fun of him, this is a real title of a book that several trees had to die to bear—God, Guns, Grits and Gravy. This will mark the 1,000th consecutive year that Mike Huckabee has been running for President.

The former pastor-cum-Arkansas Governor-cum-Fox News personality is announcing his candidacy from his hometown of Hope, Arkansas—which is, as CNN points out, the same place Bill Clinton grew up. He’s positioning himself as somebody who has already “beaten the Clinton machine,” continuing the right’s near-pathological obsession with the idea of preventing Hillary from doing whatever it is they’re convinced she’s going to do, even though nobody is really sure what Hillary Clinton plans on doing, policy-wise.

Mike Huckabee believes that life begins at conception, that swearing is something that women should not do, and that female candidates for public office deserve chivalry. His comically obvious shame-lust for Beyoncé has led him to note publicly that Jay-Z “pimps out” Beyoncé, that the Obamas should not let their daughters listen to Beyoncé, because Beyoncé is too vulgar for children. Mike Huckabee also believes in vertical stripes.

Good luck to you, sir, in your quest to raise and waste money running for President.

Image via Getty.

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