Send in the Waahhmbulance, Billionaire Doesn’t Want You Calling Him a Billionaire

“This moniker ‘billionaire,’ let’s get at that okay?” Schultz said. “I grew up in federally subsidized housing, my parents never owned a home, I came from nothing. I thought my entire life was based on the achievement of the American dream. Yes I have billions of dollars, I earned it. No one gave it to me.”

While Schultz wasn’t called to testify specifically because he’s a billionaire, his net worth is certainly a consequence of his company’s labor practices. Because—and I’ll get to this in a moment—no billionaire “earns” their wealth. Nearly 300 Starbucks stores have voted to form unions, yet none have been recognized by the company due to its extensive union-busting campaign. Those watching the testimony were treated not only to Senator Bernie Sanders’ no bullshit, dogged interrogation of Schultz, but also Sanders’ delightful pronunciation of “Starbucks” in his iconic Brooklyn accent. And to the credit of the other Democratic senators on the committee, including Washington representative Patty Murray, they also grilled the Seattle-based CEO and huge Democratic donor, Schultz, for Starbucks’ many “alleged” labor violations.

But don’t worry, Mitt Romney, one of the richest members of the Senate overcame his political differences with Schultz to bond over their shared tax bracket and defend the CEO during the hearing. Romney joked that there was “some irony to a non-coffee-drinking Mormon conservative defending a Democrat candidate for president in perhaps one of the most liberal companies in America.”

This isn’t Schultz’s first plea for better treatment of billionaires. In 2019, Schultz suggested that “billionaire” is an offensive word and that folks should use “people of means” and “people of wealth” in its place. Every time I am reminded of this, it simply shocks me to my core—a jolt equal to one trillion shots of espresso. Now back to “earned.” If you’ve heard it once, Bernie Sanders has said it a million (billion?) times: you don’t earn your way to being a billionaire. Billionaires exploit workers’ labor and hoard wealth.

With that in mind, here are some phrases that aren’t “billionaire” to use when you want to really get to the heart of the matter: “professional hoarder,” “moneygrubber,” “wage thief,” “financial parasite,” and perhaps “individual of shameless exploitative means.”