'In Time' Red Carpet Isn't Particularly Timeless


Apparently In Time is a new action thriller about a future world where people stop aging at 25 and have to work to buy more time. I don’t get it? At the premiere last night, some celebrities worked it, and others, well, might need more time.

I’m a sucker for these digital print silk dresses. They manage to look clean and wild at the same time. Props to Amanda Seyfried for that strut of hers. Ivory and violet go beautifully together, but it’s a color combination I haven’t seen on the red carpet too much, lately. The strappy peeptoes are killer, and I love the Ginger Rogers’ sparkle on ’em.

NOOOO! That’s the cry of anguish you cry upon finding out that the Carson Daly-lite dude wearing tinted sunglasses, too-tight brown leather jacket zipped up to make his pecs look like the floor mats of a car, and horrifying lace-up boots is the same person you totally crushed on 20 years ago when he was Blossom’s older brother. Miss those luscious locks of yours, Joey Lawrence. Justin Timberlake’s color story is interesting. It’s not often that men take fashion risks on the red carpet, and I’m glad JT did, but there’s something so swarmy about the color of his suit and pants. I have so much love in my heart for Pete Campbell, and then I read in the Guardian that Vincent Kartheiser takes the bus everywhere and for a while didn’t have a toilet in his house, and I love him even more. He’s shaggy and rumply and mismatched, but who cares! The man is interesting.

The blousy dress is a little off, proportions-wise on Jenna Elfman. Olivia Wilde’s dress is all, “I’m a standard black dress,” and then suddenly we get a nicely calculated slit to give her feet a chance to be like, “We’re in cage sandals, muthafucka.” The stack of gold bangles look awesome with her dress. Yaya DaCosta will always be one of my favorite Top Model contestants. I hate that Tyra told her she was too Afro-centric. This dress and Amanda Seyfried’s dress are my favorites of the night. The exaggerated shoulders are nicely balanced out by the structured simplicity of the rest of the dress. Her side pouf is amazing, and it looks like her shoes have little glinty spikes on the side. Yaya? Don’t ever let Tyra tell you who to be.

Sarah Carroll’s white dress looks a little off-the-rack and gosh, those beige pumps sure are a drag. Are we’re doing ass-tight dresses with hook-and-eye closures and a lace panel running down the front on the red carpet now? I actually don’t mind the first two, it’s just the unholy trinity of all three elements in one dress. Vanessa Lengies looks simple and cute in that red dress but it keeps giving me horrible flashbacks to the one episode of The New Girl that I watched on Hulu last week, where Zooey Deschanel keeps doing “adorkable” things in a very similar red dress, and my desire to want to like that show was slapped into oblivion.

Let’s do a collective Awww for Emma Kenney and Shyloh Oostwald. I don’t know if you can tell, but Emma Kenney’s ballet shoes are kind of scuffed, which makes it all the more adorable, like I imagine those shoes are her “lucky” shoes and she wears them everywhere. I hope Shyloh’s outfit is indication of her budding inner goth princess. I have less kind things to say about Jennette McCurdy’s dress.Two words and a parenthetical: not good (sorry!).

Jennifer Stone’s dress might be a bit too shapeless and droopy, but I think the sheer sleeves give it a bit of sass, and I like her white platforms with the dainty black strap. You guys, Loretta Devine is wearing fingerless gloves! She’s got a lot of ideas, but I don’t think they necessarily go together. Melissa Rauch is not very exciting in that sparkly top, black jacket and black pants, but what’s worse? Something unimaginative? Or something something too imaginative?

Andrew Niccol is severe in all black, but also but also kind of handsome. Doesn’t August Emerson know only Russell Brand can get away with looking like that? Especially when it comes to leather pants that tight and that bunched up. Brendan Miller was probably going for a preppy Americana look, but everything is too wrinkled and too mismatched.

Gosh, I’m no expert on men’s formal wear, but these dudes look fly, no? Collins Pennie went classic and tailored. Gotta say, Johnny Galecki’s subtle plaid jacket is very exciting to me. Maybe the jacket is a little too small and the pants a little too long, but it’s nice to see something different. Matt Borner looks sharp as hell in his striped suit. There’s something about a tie with a clean, minimal design that soothes my inner turmoil.

Cameron Monaghan: tuck in your shirt, you louse! Just kidding. He looks young and stylish. Those desert boots with contrasting laces are ace. Kunal Nayyar’s untucked shirt, on the other hand, just looks like an untucked shirt. Miles Teller’s casual outfit crosses the line from “effortless” to “no effort at all.”

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