What a thing to wake up to on a Monday morning! A touching love story that will alternately make you want to weep happy tears and then also retch out the rest of all the red wine you “accidentally” drank while watching The Golden Globes last night! Here it is, the cutest “kids getting married” story of ALL TIME.
It all started 20 years ago when Brittney Husbyn and Briggs Fussy — Stop! Everything about this entire fucking name is great and I am going to name my child something similar, just like the girl in my 10th grade geometry class who was going to name her kids Gecko and Cathedral and also go to the Oscars in jeans and a torn sweater because it’s not like they’re a big deal, you know guys? Does anyone have the answer for number 10?— were the flower girl and the ring bearer in the same wedding. Fox News reports that the two got along well but then lost contact (as children at boring adult events are wont to do) until years later, when a chance encounter in a college classroom brought the pair back together.
“She turned around one day in class and said, ‘I think I have a picture of you on my wall at home,'” Briggs recalled. “I remember just little glimpses. Brittney’s running around, making commotion.”
Isn’t there something about that sentence that’s kind of creepy to you? Can you imagine being in class one day and someone saying “I’ve got pictures of you at home” and responding with anything but “OH MY GOD SHUT IT ALL DOWN”? Because I can’t. Actually, I’m pretty sure I would find it kind of sweet it if it happened to me because I am very needy and did not get enough love as a child but I would probably find it a little weird first. Briggs found it adorable. But I bet he also finds it cute that Brittney refers to herself unironically as “the sassiest human ever.”
The pair, who dated for five years, are now happily married and off on their new life of love and contentment. For how long? Probably forever! I don’t know, perhaps I’m being too snarky here, but it’s hard not to harsh on someone else’s happy love story when you’re in a long-term relationship in which you’ve just taken a shower while your own partner openly pooped in the same room and happily made up a song about defecation to the tune of Ariana Grande’s “Love Me Harder.” The best of luck to them both!
Update: The bride may have sad “sappiest” and not “sassiest.”
