Killjoy Pediatricians Confirm That Trampolines Are Still Dangerous
LatestIs it really shocking anymore when the hand-wringing medical powers-that-be expound on the dangers of trampolines? “Kids playing on trampolines can hit their heads!” “They can break their bones!” “They can get tangled up in that stupid netting like butterflies and flail wildly in the noonday sun until you, responsible parent who insisted on the netting instead of just buying an XBox and being done with it, rescue them!” We get it, creepy doctors whose parents never let them do anything fun except play with an ant farm and vivisect small woodland creatures — trampolines are death platforms that snare children with the mellifluous lure of jumping higher and higher and higher.
Fact: Citing more than 100,000 trampoline-related injuries in 2009, the American Academy of Pediatrics said that trampolines are still dangerous and nets don’t make them any safer.
Fact: No physician in the history of the universe has ever jumped on a trampoline.