Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Outed As Landlords

CelebritiesDirt Bag
Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Outed As Landlords

All sorts of celebrities have interesting hobbies and revenue streams that keep them occupied off-screen and away from prying eyes. Some are completely harmless, with no environmental impact whatsoever—like RuPaul’s 60,000 acre fracking empire in Wyoming! Others, however, are a tad more insidious. Among the stars of today lurk a group of people who charge innocent and unsuspecting individuals just for basic shelter and four white walls. Some have empires; others, insular kingdoms that stretch an entire city block. Many don’t even work at all, living off the wages of those under their control. They are… the landlords!

TMZ reports that not only do Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard count themselves among the ranks of Los Angeles’s many land barons, they own at least “two residential buildings”—which are definitely apartment complexes, correct? Anyway, sources tell the outlet that the tabloid-famous actors and sponcon gurus are waiving the rent for April. In an email to tenants inside the buildings, Shepard’s sister (the property manager) promised to “work with residents going forward as best as possible.” Good for them—I think?

I won’t argue whether or not owning land is immoral, because everyone seems to get so riled up at the mere mention of a Marxist analysis on the subject. But it should be easily agreed upon that accumulating rental profit from the wages of people likely making far, far less than you is at best a tad questionable. When April comes and goes, and unemployment numbers likely continue to climb, will Dax and Kristen waive the rent again? Better yet, will they cede this land over to the tenants and dissolve their property empire? I’m guessing the answers I seek are a hearty, resounding “No!” But I’ve been surprised once today—no reason that can’t be twice! [TMZ]

The more things change, the more they stay the same, endlessly speeding up in a hyperloop of drudgery, wherein we’re all subjected to headlines like: “Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes kiss during coffee break in Miami.” Glad these two are still kicking!

Page Six reports that the couple went for a walk hand-in-hand while wearing as little clothes as possible. Of course, they also made out the entire stroll, paparazzi at the ready to capture each and every loving, wholesome moment between the two of them. And because these photos are still outrageously expensive, let me paint the scene for you instead. He’s in a chunky necklace and black board shorts, hair unkempt, with a coffee cup in one hand and her neck in the other. One of his sandals, meanwhile, is slipping off while he vice grips her throat, hands delicately balancing whatever alcohol mixture he’s carrying with him. She is in a napkin dress, with no bra. While the sandals on her feet are firmly secured, she white knuckles her own coffee cup, hands barely grazing the small of his back. Sexy, right?

I wonder if their managers and handlers tipped the paps off, desperate to make these two the subject of headlines again. I’m sure it hasn’t just been Vitamin D they’re deficient in while social distancing in Miami! [Page Six]

Can Britney Spears’s manager please respond to my emails? I have a few volumes of Das Kapital I’d like to send her!

  • Worried about your own financial future this month? Don’t worry! I’m sure this video of Kylie Jenner eating with $450 Louis Vuitton chopsticks will be incredibly soothing to you. [Hollywood Life]
  • Stedman is currently not allowed in Oprah’s house. [Page Six]
  • After court documented alleged Jeremy Renner once threatened to kill his ex-wife, he is now asking her for a child support reduction! [TMZ]
  • Do we even care about this anymore? [Us Weekly]
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