Michael Phelps Gets a Girlfriend, Everyone Immediately Assumes She's a Fame Whore

By Lindy West  |  August 7, 2012 | 1:00am
CelebritiesDirt Bag

You guys know that’s super rude, right? Like someone couldn’t possibly like Michael Phelps because he’s, um, a decent human being with a nice personality (also, unlimited party subs!)? This week, Phelps made his first public appearance with girlfriend Megan Rossee, who is either a fame-hungry cocktail waitress or a professional model, depending on which tabloid you ask. Naturally, bitches are hella jealz. “She’s desperate for her own fame,” says a “pal.” “Her career has been a slow-burner but this will certainly accelerate it…But what happens when the buzz of the Olympics dies down and life goes back to normal? Will she want to date a retired swimmer?” Look, jerk, I don’t know. But I do know that Michael Phelps is not a baby, and you win all the golds in the Shitty Friend Olympics. [Us] [ONTD]

Gabby Douglas spoke about the hardships of growing up without her dad:

“It was hard for us growing up – my dad had left us, so he wasn’t really in the picture anymore. So, my mom had to front all these bills. My dad didn’t really pay the child support. He was short (on money),” Gabby said candidly this week, according to the New York Post. “It was definitely hard on my mom, taking care of me and my siblings.”
…Gabby hadn’t even seen her father for two years until last June, when she suddenly heard someone calling her name out during the Olympic trials in San Jose, Calif., in June and looked up to see him and a friend waving the American flag from the crowd. “I almost felt like bawling. I was like, ‘Oh, my gosh, Dad!'”

IT’S FINE. I JUST HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE. [Radar]

Robert Pattinson is going to talk about his feeeeeeeeeelings on Good Morning America next week and I’m sure it will be fucking fascinating. “Whether or not his publicist has requested that questions on Kristen Stewart remain off-limits remains to be seen.” Oh, for fuck’s sake who caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaares. My only question for Robert Pattinson: What is up with his dead eyeballs and why do they frighten me so??? [DailyMail]

British gymnast Kristian Thomas described his experience sitting with Kate Middleton during the Olympic pommel horse finals (Middleton sent a security guard to let Thomas know she wanted to “hang out”).

“It was fantastic,” Thomas said. “She was really easy to talk to. We talked about the pommel final and some of the elements and what’s good and what’s bad. She was quite enthusiastic about it.”

CAAAAAAH-YOOOOOOOT. [News.au]

  • Paris Jackson has plastered her bedroom in photos of her dad, an act whose heartbreakiness is outstripped only by its awesomeness. [Radar]
  • Here is Heidi Klum being awesome a bunch of times. [BestWeekEver]
  • Do you want this $999 Mockingjay brooch from fucking Target? Oh, you do? Hey, WANT BETTER STUFF. [Vulture]
  • “WWE diva” Rosa Mendes says her fiance is abusive and she fears he will kill her. According to a WWE rep, “WWE is supportive of Rosa and will provide her with professional assistance.” [TMZ]
  • Michael Clarke Duncan remains hospitalized after suffering a heart attack in bed and being resuscitated by Omarosa. “Michael Clarke Duncan suffered a myocardial infarction the morning of Friday, July 13 and was stabilized soon thereafter. He was just moved from the Intensive Care Unit, but remains hospitalized. His family are firm believers in the power of prayer and have asked that you keep him in yours during this time. Thank you.” [CBS]
  • There’s a warrant out for the arrest of Jennifer Lopez‘s first husband—you know, that other non-famous, non-Cris-Judd one—so if you see him, let J. Lo know. [Radar]
  • Okay. What? A former contestant on America’s Got Talent claims that a hotel security officer took “gruesome” “topless death pics” of his wife’s body—who was found murdered in a hotel stairwell on the morning of his AGT audition. And then…judging by the fact that he’s described as a “former contestant”…he went and auditioned for America’s Got Talent anyway? I would try to sort this shit out if I didn’t want to get as far away from it as possible right now. [TMZ]
  • Meryl Streep describes Tommy Lee Jones as “Fifty Shades of Grumpy.” [Extra]
  • Zooey Deschanel put her mouth on some dude’s mouth and wiggled it around all wet and gross. [E!]
  • Suri Cruise got to do a special thing for fancy rich people. [DailyMail]
  • So many celebrities are exercising this week, u guyz!!!!!!! Here’s Reese Witherspoon. [ONTD]
  • And Pacey Witter. (Tamaraaaaaaaaa!!!) [JustJared]
  • And Ashley Greene. (Fun fact I just learned: NOT the same as Anna Kendrick!) [ONTD]
  • Also, Kate Hudson wore a bikini. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT. [E!]
  • Elsewhere, Brooke Burke-Charvet, who is 40, wore the same bikini as Kendall Jenner, who is 14, causing Us Weekly to do the most hilariously bad math (and comma work) of all time: “Despite being 15 years Jenner’s senior, Burke-Charvet, looked stunning in the $200 set.” FART NOISE. [Us]

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