Nation Traumatized By New Spate Of Exposed Celebrity Breasts


In 2004, one of Janet Jackson’s breasts was exposed during the Super Bowl halftime show, leaving a lasting scar on the nation’s psyche. Now seven years later, though many of us still require psychiatric treatment thanks to the trauma of seeing Miss Jackson’s bejeweled nipple, America has been hit by a new wave of “wardrobe malfunctions.” While we should all be relieved that this recurring plague doesn’t involve locusts, catching a glimpse of stars’ boobs is still a threat to the moral fiber of our society.

In the Washington Post, writer Jen Chaney laments female celebrities’ inability to keep their breasts under wraps. In June, Khloe Kardashian’s sheer black top shifted during an interview on Fox and Friends, leaving her nipple exposed throughout the entire six minute segment. Then earlier this month during a performance on Good Morning America, Nicki Minaj exposed her bosom when her halter top shifted. Last weekend Kelly Rowland unintentionally let a New Jersey audience take a gander at both of her breasts when her top rode up. Maybe some other celebrity mammaries were exposed in the past few months too, but since three makes a trend, that’s all we really need to know.

Chaney writes:

Needless to say, this is an unfortunate trend, and one that raises a question: Is it so hard for famous women to dress themselves?
I don’t mean to suggest that Rowland, Minaj or Kardashian set out to purposely flash an unsuspecting public. But how difficult is it to wear something in which one’s goodies are clearly covered and secure?
Millions of women do it every day. And if those women were asked the following question in a survey – “If you make a public appearance, would you be extra careful to make sure your chest remains unexposed?” – I am fairly certain that the vast majority of answers would imply extreme vigilance.

Yeah, if you fight the urge to show up to your office job in a bra top, cropped pink pleather jacket, and see-through skirt, why can’t Nicki Minaj?

Though, perhaps the root of this problem isn’t that female celebrities are too stupid to properly dress themselves. While Chaney suggests, “maybe it’s a good idea to wear a top with a good old-fashioned crew neck once in a while,” we doubt these celebrities would be where they are today if they regularly appeared at press events in baggy L.L. Bean sweaters. Fashion norms dictate that stars wear items the rest of us only bust out on October 31. Considering the number of nipples that wiggle free from women’s Halloween costumes, ranging from sexy nurse outfits to sexy Stormrooper ensembles, it’s a wonder we aren’t beset by more visions of celebrities’ breasts. Perhaps we should take a cue from our friends overseas: Stars have nipples just like the rest of us, and seeing them on occasion won’t kill us.

Why Can’t Famous Women Stay Clothed? [Washington Post]

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