Never, Ever Fuck With the Mail

Never, Ever Fuck With the Mail
Image:SAUL LOEB (Getty Images)

In recent weeks, President Donald Trump has made a target of the U.S. Postal Service, seemingly because of his concerns that should voters have a safe and easy means of voting him out of office—like mail-in ballots—they will take it. However, anyone familiar with 1997 post-apocalyptic westerns starring Kevin Costner with cameo appearances by Tom Petty could tell you that no one—not totalitarian dictators played by underrated character actor Will Patton and certainly not former game show host Donald Trump—fucks with the postal service. And just as it did in 1997, the mail has once again emerged victorious.

As 14 states announced plans to sue Postmaster General Louis DeJoy over “operational changes” that have led to slower mail delivery in the days leading up to the November elections, DeJoy has in turn announced plans to stop intentionally making the mail shitty on purpose. According to DeJoy, post office hours will not change, mail processing facilities will remain open, and postal workers will still be paid overtime. However, according to DeJoy, none of this was his fault in the first place:

“There are some longstanding operational initiatives — efforts that predate my arrival at the Postal Service — that have been raised as areas of concern as the nation prepares to hold an election in the midst of a devastating pandemic,” read DeJoy’s statement. “To avoid even the appearance of any impact on election mail, I am suspending these initiatives until after the election is concluded.”

Like Kevin Costner said in a rousing, long-ago oration, “Neither rain nor snow nor operational initiatives predating one’s arrival at the Postal Service, we’re not shutting down the mail so Donald Trump can steal another goddamn election.” [New York Times]

While the Democratic National Convention is usually political Coachella—with Maggie Rogers playing an opening number for Democratic Senate candidate Sara Gideon, Michelle Obama delivering speeches we’ll one day read in history books, and Billy Porter covering Buffalo Springfield—the Republican National Convention can mostly just boast that one time they had Clint Eastwood mumbling at a chair.

Not to be outdone by Dirty Harry’s chair, 2020’s RNC promises all the fun of years past, featuring appearances by Nikki Haley, at least one Trump child, and that doofy couple famous for wanting to shoot unarmed protesters despite being unable to correctly hold firearms. Sounds like whatever the opposite of a riot is. [Washinton Post, Politico]

  • Every single investigation into Russia and the 2016 election continues to strongly support the idea that Russia fucked with the 2016 election. [New York Times]
  • Which is a fact Marco Rubio still seems to be struggling with, in much the same way he struggles with a great many facts. [Twitter]
  • Chuck Schumer and LCD Soundsystem would very much like the beat to go on. [Instagram]
  • Wealthy Upper West Side Democrats would very much like their support for poor people to remain both theoretical and at a distance. [New York Times]
  • Gotta admire Hillary’s commitment to the bit. [Twitter]
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