North Carolina Hospital's New Slogan 'Cheat Death' Is Destined to Disappoint


CaroMont Regional Medical Center (formerly Gaston Memorial Hospital) in Gastonia, North Carolina has recently adopted the new slogan “Cheat Death” as a part of a bigger rebranding. The hospital will couple with restaurants and gyms to collect the three Deathly Hallows create “Cheat Death” menus (that will only serve smooth-edged foods that are impossible to choke on) and “Cheat Death” workouts, in addition to forming a “Cheat Death” social media campaign. #YOLF (You only live forever.)

CaroMont CEO Randall Kelley told the New York Times that he hopes the “Cheat Death” campaign will start a new health movement. Some, however, like County commissioner and hospital board member Jason Williams, are not a fan of the slogan and probably want everyone to die right this minute. (Williams actually dislikes the slogan because he thinks it’s “negative.” I would go with “impossible.”)

According to Williams, some hospital workers feels like it cheapens their work and that there are pastors who find it blasphemous, though if Jesus isn’t the ultimate cheater of death, than I don’t know who is.

Death, for his part, is cool with it though admits that it throws off his workflow.

“I showed up to CaroMont the other day to pick up this old fella,” Death says. “Went through the whole rigmarole, got him to accept his mortality, say goodbye to the mortal coil, all that. I had even gotten him half way to purgatory when he says to me, ‘you know it’s funny’ and I say ‘what’s funny?’ and he goes ‘CaroMont’s slogan is Cheat Death‘ and that’s when I realized what I had done. I had to take him all the way back to the hospital and explain to him why he couldn’t come with me. Boy, was my face red.” Death straightens his black hood with his boney fingers. “Oh, well. Mistakes happen.”

A big congratulations to CaroMont on beating mortality.

NC Hospital’s New Slogan Pledges to ‘Cheat Death’ [NYT]
Image via Mayovskyy Andrew/Shutterstock.

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