Rihanna Video Throws Britain Into Crisis

A British TV regulator has called an “emergency meeting” to discuss how Rihanna’s “S&M” video is corrupting the youth, and how to keep this from happening in the future.

According to the Guardian, “S&M” aired on UK station WFT TV at 11:25 AM, a time when young minds are clinically proven to be most susceptible to corruption. Regulator Ofcom apparently objected to the following elements:

ball gags
Rihanna being trapped behind cellophane
“rubber and latex fetish outfits”
the word “slut” written on a notepad
sexy lyrics
Rihanna walking Perez Hilton on a leash like a dog

I object to the last item also, especially since Perez mimes peeing on a fire hydrant for entirely too long. That said, Ofcom’s reaction seems extreme — they’re making broadcasters come to the meeting, at which they’ll discuss new rules for protecting children from television before 9 PM, at which time it is known that their brains automatically shut off. Ofcom says “S&M” “could have potentially dangerous consequences if imitated by children” — which, yeah, but so could 90% of movies. And frankly, most music videos for female pop stars involve said stars acting sexy and singing sexy things — it seems like Ofcom is singling out Rihanna because her video includes dirty yucky bondage. Memo to all attendees of the “emergency meeting: some portion of British youth will probably grow up to enjoy BDSM, and it won’t be because of a Rihanna video.