Rudy Giuliani Would Like to Clarify That He Is Actually a Hero and Not a Crime Guy

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Do you know who the real hero in all of this is, according to Rudy Giuliani? It is: Rudy Giuliani, hero.

• Donald Trump would like to execute the White House aides who helped the whistleblower. “I want to know who’s the person, who’s the person who gave the whistleblower the information? Because that’s close to a spy,” Trump said at a meeting with staff members from the United States Mission to the United Nations on Thursday morning. “You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart? Right? The spies and treason, we used to handle it a little differently than we do now.” [Los Angeles Times]
• Meanwhile, Acting Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire testified before Congress. [Washington Post]
• And possible Senate candidate and definite asshole Corey Lewandowski may lead Trump’s fight against impeachment. [CNN]
• Oh, and the whistleblower’s memo makes it clear that it’s much bigger than just Ukraine. [Mother Jones]
• In non-impeachment news, if that’s even still a thing, Wall Street bigwigs are not fans of Elizabeth Warren. “You’re in a box because you’re a Democrat and you’re thinking, ‘I want to help the party, but she’s going to hurt me, so I’m going to help President Trump,’” a private equity executive and real prick told CNBC. It’s almost as if Wall Street… is… bad??? [CNBC]
• This is good. [The City]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.