'Sleep Drunkenness' Is the Funniest Disorder Ever

Today in A-DOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, science has collected some hard data on a phenomenon called “sleep drunkenness”—also known as waking up grumpy and confused because fuck your alarm clock AND THIS MODERN WORLD.

I’ll never forget my favorite encounter with sleep drunkenness, when my friend and I woke up my dad unexpectedly from an afternoon nap and he yelled, “Go sleep in the mountains! Go sleep in the river valley! QUIT RAT-CHATTERING LIKE MAD PIES.” Glad to hear that someone is finally turning a serious eye on the funniest affliction ever.

Via NYMag:

For the first time, the phenomenon — also called confusion arousal — has been studied in a general adult population, and according to a just-published paper in Neurology, this behavior is actually pretty common.

In telephone interviews the researchers conducted with more than 19,000 healthy individuals, about 15 percent reported experiencing some sort of sleep-drunk episode in the last year, and 8 percent said this happens to them at least once a week.

…Ohayon explains that while researchers aren’t exactly sure what causes this confused behavior, animal studies give us a clue: Sudden awakenings seem to trigger the startle reflex, which allows animals (and, likely, us) to respond quickly to potential threats. To our poor, half-asleep brains, an abrupt awakening signals an emergency — a time for action, not reason.

Yo, if that counts as a disorder, can I get some sort of disability back-pay for the past 32 years? Because I am infected 16/7. I also have a terminal case of the Mondays. Pray for me.