45 Minutes Watching T-Pain at Gov Ball Cured My Depression

Over the weekend, the 14th annual Governors Ball convened New York City’s Zoomers and elderly Millennials for three days of drizzly weather, dizzyingly expensive food and drink, and a deep lineup of talent—from Hozier to Raye to Mannequin Pussy. I was prepared to have a decent time, but nothing could’ve readied me for the transcendental experience that was seeing Faheem Rashad Najm—AKA T-Pain.

Like any 30-something coming of age in the Midwest during Bush’s second term and Obama’s first, my adolescence was soundtracked by the auto-tuned stylings of Teddy Penderazdoun. The first time a teenage boy dry-humped me in a gymnasium; the first time an old friend showed me tumblr; the first time I got high in the backseat of someone’s parents’ car—all experiences soundtracked by a T-Pain song. And yet, I hadn’t thought to see him perform in the flesh. Fortunately, the fates stepped in to show me what I’d been missing all these years on Friday.

 

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Befit in a crimson and black steampunk ensemble, the Tallahassee rapper didn’t just play the hits (although he certainly could’ve and I likely would’ve had just as much fun). As I wrote to every third friend in my contacts after several beers later that night, he put his whole pussy into that show.

From “Blame It” to “Cyclone” to “Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin’)” he cycled through his discography all while keeping up with the shockingly involved choreography (this spin?!) and crowd work (that booty wurk?!). To appeal to anyone over the age of 55 in attendance, there was a “Don’t Stop Believin'” sing-a-long. Was it common knowledge that T-Pain can sing quite well without auto-tune, by the way? It was all, in a word, sublime. With the exception of just one thing…

I know most Zoomers will never know the pleasure and pain of participating in a grind line set to “I’m N Luv (Wit a Stripper)” in the presence of their teachers, but even so, their energy was…startlingly low. And to that, I say: Open the schools. I pity these Zoomers; the most powerful part of T-Pain as a performer is nostalgia for a time gone by—one that was probably no better than our current hellish timeline but at least many of us were too young and dumb to understand the horrors as intimately as we do right now.

After the performance, I started googling whether or not T-Pain has ever performed at a Donald Trump fundraiser because, well, let’s be honest, he wouldn’t be the only rapper to endorse him in some way. But instead of finding any photoset of the two of them looking chummy with matching raised thumbs, I found this quote given by T-Pain about Trump’s presidential campaign circa 2015: “He’s got a hell of a PR person. He’s got money—allegedly—and he’s got PR. I think it’s great. Do your thing, man. If he can win, who can stop him? It will be a huge deal. I will probably move to Australia, but good luck you guys.”

Fortunately, he has not.