Whoops, Here's a Brand New 32-Count Indictment Against Paul Manafort and Rick Gates!


The fun! It never stops! Keeps happening! Hahahahahahhahahahaha.

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Robert Mueller and his team have filed a fun 32-count indictment charging Paul Manafort and Rick Gates with a whole mess of new charges, mostly relating to bank fraud. If you’re interested in reading the 37-page indictment—highly suggested, quite riveting—you may do so here. Enjoy! [Washington Post]
  • State Department employees have reportedly been instructed to scrub a forthcoming report on global human rights of any explicit messaging that references reproductive rights, and racial, ethnic, and sexual discrimination. Sections describing abortion and access to contraceptives are also being removed. A spokesperson for the State Department claimed that the changes, which apparently came from an aide to Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, are being made for “clarity.” [Politico]
  • Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has decided to remove Matthew Masterson, chairman of the U.S. Election Assistance Commission from his post; his agency helps to protect election systems and voting machines from possible attacks from Russia or other entities and is, in general, not a bad thing to have around. It’s unclear whether or not he will be replaced, but if you ask me, it seems like a good idea to do so! [Reuters]
  • The smart man in charge of this country, President Donald Trump, suggested that in order to fix the issue of mass shootings, we should introduce a “ratings system” for movies and video games—two things that currently already exist. [CNN]
  • Donald van der Vaart, top candidate for White House environmental adviser, does not believe that humans have contributed all that much to climate change. [The New York Times]
  • Ivanka Trump is putting on her presidential adviser hat and going to the closing ceremony of the Olympics where she will either meet or not meet North Korean general Kim Yong Chol, responsible for two attacks on South Korean forces. [The Wall Street Journal]
  • Like an easily-distractible baby setting aside the remote control and moving on to sticking their finger in an open socket, Donald Trump appears to no longer be investigating the “link” between autism and vaccines. [The Guardian]

Here are some tweets the President was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.

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