Why This Bird’s Beauty Matters

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Birds in general are beautiful creatures, but there’s one hot bird in particular that’s captured the heart and soul of Brooklyn, America. We’re talking The Painted Bunting.

This hot bird is currently out of its element flitting around Prospect Park, to the delight of creepy area bird enthusiasts. It’s normally seen in Florida or Mexico around this time of year. The New York Post reports:

At least 100 avian enthusiasts a day are showing up at the park’s LeFrak Center to see the Florida tweeter — called a painted bunting — with its multicolored plumage.
“A lot of people are losing their s–t over this bird,” crowed Doug Gochfeld, a birding-tour leader.

Well, what a bird. Beautiful, gross, strong, thin, fat, pretty, ugly, sexy, disgusting, flawless.

No denying: The bird is hot. But of course it’s a male bird—a bird man—that’s inspiring such unadulterated envy. Ornithologist Paul Sweet told Gothamist, “The last time a Painted Bunting was seen in Brooklyn was in March of 1999 and that was a drab female not the multicolored male that is being seen in Prospect Park.”

Figures. Had it been a female Bunting, life would be different. Here’s what the Jezebel staff thinks the headlines would read:

Bird Poses Nude: The Radical Power of Her ‘Beautiful, Gross’ Photo
This Bird Is Wearing Too Much Makeup
Not To Shame This Bird But…
Is This Bird Likable Enough?
Jezebel Staff Slut-Shames Bird
Sorry, Hot Bird: Being a Hot Bird Doesn’t Make You a Feminist
Hot Feminist Bird: ‘Don’t Call Women Birds!’
No, Haters, the Bird Isn’t ‘Too Pretty’
Hot Bird Not Looking For A Nest
Hot Birds Don’t Deserve Street Harassment
What ‘Hot Bird Mania’ Ignores About Feather Privilege
The Problem With Bird Color Privilege in One Damning Tweet
This Bird Doesn’t Understand the Concept of Inner Beauty
Who Does This Stuck-Up Bird Think It Is?
This Bird Had the Perfect Response to Slut-Shaming Jezebel Staff
18 Times This Painted Bunting Was Literally Your BFF
Amy Schumer to Hot Bird: Join My Squad!
Amy Schumer and Hot Bird Writing Buddy Comedy
Hot Bird On Why She Just Wants to Hang Out on Her Own Branch For Now
The Problem With the Problem With the Hot Bird

Jezebel contacted the Painted Bunting for comment. It responded with: “CAW!”


Contact the author at [email protected].

Image via Instagram

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