Woman Calls Emergency Services to Regulate Her Ice Cream Sprinkles


Sprinkles are serious business, and this police recording of a woman demanding that something be done about an ice cream vendor’s generosity proves that you don’t ever fuck with anyone’s dessert toppings. (Please don’t call the police for this. Please.)

Previously, a woman called the police to get her waffle regulated (not a euphemism) and a woman threatened to shoot up a Burger King for not having fresh Cinnabons (which is actually good product placement because I went to a Burger King on Sunday and ordered a Cinnabon. It was okay. I did not threaten violence), but this woman demanding that she be given the set amount of sprinkles which she is entitled to (because JUSTICE!) really takes the cake —ice cream?

You can hear more about this grave miscarriage of justice in the video above, but if you’d prefer to just know about the good parts (the cherry on top of the cone? #dadjokes), here are some choice excerpts from the nail-biting phone call, including a stunning moment of self-insight when the caller realized that unlike a straight-up murder, ice cream is not that big a deal:

“I’m at an ice cream van and I’ve ordered an ice cream, yeah.
“It doesn’t seem like much of an emergency but it is a little bit because I’ve ordered an ice cream and he’s put bits on one side and none of the other.”
“The person has basically given me an ice cream and he’s put bits on one side and none on the other and I’ve said can you that properly please and he’s like, no.”
“He’s refusing to give me my money back and saying that I’ve got to take it like that.”

Police chose not to interfere and the department released a recording in the hope that people would listen to it, chuckle, and then heed their warning not to call up the emergency line for stupid shit like this, no matter how many sprinkles one feels they are owed. Please learn your non-emergency number. Or don’t buy ice cream from a van. There are options.

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