Would You Like Some Dresses With That Bling?


Celebrities, royals, and those who aren’t quite either but show up to fancy galas all the same came out last night at the Princess Grace Awards Gala to celebrate the launch of Montblanc’s new Princesse Grace De Monaco pen collection. You can bet your diamond-encrusted booty that there was some bling on the red carpet.

Fashion can sometimes be unintentionally hilarious, but I wonder if there was some intentional whimsy in Selita Ebanks’ dust-trapper bodice gown? I’ve tried to take it seriously from every angle, but it still leaves me giggling. The girl looks gorgeous even when her top half is a massive pouf. The bottom half of the dress is lovely, minus the ass and crotch pearls.

Olivia Palermo was committed to peach last night. The dress looks a size too big, a skosh too shiny, and could stand to be pulled up an inch or a two. I hate encouraging fur stoles, but the dress looks a lot more pulled together with one around her shoulders. Her model boyfriend Johannes Huebl is a babe and his striped green pocket square is A+.

I usually dig Anne Hathaways red carpet ensembles, but for the most part, they never leave me feeling inspired. Her dress is really beautiful and clearly made with some impressive handiwork, but those shoes are made for bridesmaids and that hair is running-errands-on-a-Sunday-afternoon hair.

To be honest, princess fantasies creep me out, but that aside, Princess Charlene of Monaco looks very serious and severe and upstanding. Her dress has one design element too many, but it’s a lovely silhouette. Can someone explain what the “T.S.H.” in T.S.H. Prince Albert II’s name stands for? On the right, we have the Le Vine family—Vicki Le Vine, Chris Le Vine, and Kelly Le Vine. Their fashion choices aren’t quaking me to my core or anything, but they’re a handsome, well-groomed family. I could rephrase that to sound less insulting, but I shall not.

A lesser person would make a pedestrian joke about how Denise Rich looks rich, and I am that lesser person. All the clichés of sartorial wealth are there: fur, leopard, bling, tan. Moving along—it’s Natalie Cole, y’all, and she’s a goddess in white. Bonnie Pfeifer Evans dress looks like so much fun—the kind of dress you could dance all night in once you’ve kicked off your heels.

Petra Nemcova gives me major hair envy. She’s wearing a good amount of the sparkle rocks, but it’s balanced out by the tall column of black. I like that she kept things fun with a hot pink lipstick and I love that her gown starts out structural on top and then quickly becomes soft and drapey.

Warm gold is a great color on actress Meredith Ostrom, but the excessive seam placements are distracting. Same goes for the heavy eyeliner. I like a woman who rocks a confident side boob, and Olivia Munn, apparently, is that woman. Her silver dress fits her like a glove and looks like pure liquid hotness. It would have been cool to pick at least one accessory that wasn’t silver to break up the matchy-matchiness.

The shape of Sofia Vassilieva’s coat is a lot of fun, but it’s unfortunate how easily satin wrinkles. I’ve been hard on black dresses on the red carpet before, but Rachel York’s gown is stunning in its simplicity. The only thing bothering me is: is she or isn’t she wearing sheer pantyhose with open-toed shoes??

It’s reassuring to know that even at serious events like this one, there are still some celebrities who dress to amuse themselves. I want designer duo David and Phillipe Blonde to give me a makeover. I want to toss back a few with Martha and Rufus Wainwright (and ask Rufus where exactly does one get pants with white reflective tape?) I want to give Linda Rufo a steamer for her skirt, and I want to ask Amy Tritel if it’s easy to walk up a flight of stairs in a gown like that, because it sure looks like a pain in the ass to me.

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