3 Things That Happened at the White House Correspondents Dinner—and 3 Things I Totally Made Up

The line between fact and satire all but a tiny microscopic wisp of a line, and it’s up to you to decide which is which.

By Danielle Han  |  July 27, 2026 | 11:35am
Photo: YouTube/C-SPAN Trump Administration Donald Trump
3 Things That Happened at the White House Correspondents Dinner—and 3 Things I Totally Made Up

Over the weekend, Trump hosted hundreds of journalists at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel—aka a crowd his administration has, for the last 19 months, lobbed lawsuits, investigations, and vile insults against. 

No matter! Festivities lasted for more than an hour, with lobster and beef Wellington served alongside grilled peach and burrata salads; journalism awards handed out by the White House Correspondents’ Association; and an extensive speech given by the president himself. (This one, he said, was not a “doozy” like the last) The event took place about three months after the original WHCD was cut short, or when a gunman fired a shot inside the lobby of the last venue, the Washington Hilton. 

And naturally, everything that took place in those few-ish hours ranged between awkward, head-cocking, and downright outlandish—leaving, again, the line between fact and satire all but a tiny microscopic wisp of a line. So here for you is a little game! Below are three stories that really happened, and three I totally made up, of all the events on Friday night. Godspeed, I guess. 

Trump Proudly Served RFK’s Car-To-Table Road Kill

This one’s going in the totally-happened bucket, albeit with a grain of salt. 

It was during a speech riddled with unfunny jokes and not-so-wisecrack quips that Trump started teasing Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—aka the man who’s to thank for explosive diarrhea and measles cases across the country—for being in charge of Friday’s menu.

“I hope that everyone finally got to enjoy their entire very delicious beef tenderloin, very special beef,” Trump said. “And I want you all to know that Bobby Kennedy, who’s right here, personally ran over the cow in his car, and he cut it up and he brought it here for you to eat tonight.”

Sure sounds like a joke—but then again, we’re talking about a guy who’s said to have dumped a dead bear in New York’s Central Park, strapped a dead whale’s head to the roof of his car, and blended up baby chickens and mice for his pet hawks. Worse yet, Trump ended this little banter saga with a nod to the worst of RFK’s alleged run-ins with animals, or the time he apparently chopped a dead raccoon’s penis up so he could look at it later, per his own journal.

“And Bobby also suggested an appetizer featuring his favorite cut of male raccoon roadkill, but we drew the line at that,” Trump said. Welp. Bet anyone in the crowd who packed a girl dinner was sure glad they did. 

Stephen Miller Ate Katie Miller’s Dessert While She Wasn’t Looking

As hate-worthy as they both are, we shan’t ever forget the way White House Chief of Staff Stephen Miller treated Katie Miller, his then-pregnant wife, during April’s dinner.

To briefly recap: it was amid a chaotic response of an active shooter in the area in April that security guards came to collect Miller and Katie, and video footage later emerged of him seeming to let her—again, then-pregnant—lead the way. As many commented, she looked a whole lot like his “human shield.” (She later disputed these claims, saying they were told to go in that order.) 

Alas, it seems the two’s lives have chugged on as usual since, with Katie bragging on Mother’s Day that “peak feminism is having babies”; Miller getting openly flame-roasted and being called an “ugly fuck” by Hunter Biden; and the two officially spawning a fourth Miller child in June, named Hawthorne Hayes. As you do. 

One-month-old H.H. (hm) Miller did not appear to be at the WHCD, though Miller and Katie were present. (Funny, it’s almost like peak feminism is not staying at home and watching after the baby–no matter how much you preach otherwise!) What’s more is Miller was seen chumming it up with NBC News’ Kristen Welker—who was subject to a Trump-thrown tantrum just one month ago. 

NBC’s kristen welker was caught laughing it up with Stephen Miller.

Stephen Miller who architected the family separation policy.
Stephen Miller who pushed the Muslim travel ban.
Stephen Miller who oversaw the killing of Americans by ICE agents.

This is why independent media is crucial.

[image or embed]

— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards.bsky.social) July 26, 2026 at 12:17 AM

 

I’m sure after looking like the worst husband of the year in April, Miller had a lot to work on before Friday’s dinner. And insofar as we can tell, Miller did not snub his wife this time around—or steal her dessert. But again… that’s insofar as we can tell.

Trump Saw What a Real Award Looks Like

To everyone but himself, this really happened.

Typically, it’s during the WHCD that the White House Correspondents’ Association gives out rewards and honors to journalists for their reportage, integrity, and courage. The Katharine Graham Award, for example, went to those from the Wall Street Journal that brought to light Trump’s connections to Epstein. (Last year, they revealed a letter the president allegedly wrote to the disgraced financier for his 50th birthday in 2003.) Trump, who had to shake hands with every one of the winners, asked: “Do I have a say?” Gotta love a president who regularly drools over state-controlled media! 

CNN’s Kaitlan Collins also won a broadcast category award for her work, though Trump took time during his speech to target her and resurface a complaint that she doesn’t “smile enough.” (The first time he made this quip was in February, after she pressured him about the Epstein files dump one month before.)

“You’re at CNN fake news, you should be a happy person,” he said to Collins. “Just smile, Kaitlan, just smile.” Awkward boos filled the room before he then joked that he confused Collins with Dylan Mulvaney, a trans woman.

“I want to personally congratulate CNN’s Kaitlan Collins on receiving her award,” Trump added. “It was all about me. It’s a fake. She shouldn’t get the award. It was a fake, but I didn’t mind.” Sigh. It’s only a matter of time before he makes his own version of this one too, I guess…

Wolf Blitzer Finally Got a Drink

I’ve made this up, but for the sake of my own sanity, I’ll believe this really happened.

What is fact, however, is that Blitzer—who presented several of Friday night’s awards—did not mince words while presenting the Katharine Graham award, only steps from Trump as he said, “The Journal’s courageous reporting on President Trump’s past relationship with financier Jeffrey Epstein triggered the release of the so-called Epstein files. Thousands of documents that might have otherwise remained hidden from the public. And despite the president’s threat of a lawsuit, the Journal published a story about a provocative letter.” 

Throughout it all, Trump appeared to get so upset that White House Propaganda Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt had to pat his back. Delicious. For that, he deserves a giant ol’ Wolf Spritzer. 

Melania Unplugged the Aux Before ‘YMCA’ Could Play 

We all know how much the First Lady despises the song and her husband who won’t stop dancing to it, and it would be all that more possible that this really happened given the only song that played, while Trump was walking onstage, was “God Bless the U.S.A.”

Melania Trump blew off the rescheduled White House Correspondents’ Dinner on July 24, citing a prior dalliance, following her earlier evacuation from the original April event due to a security threat and the fact that she hates Donald Trump’s guts.

— context776.bsky.social (@context776.bsky.social) July 26, 2026 at 10:47 AM

But this is truly an impossible one. She—along with Vice President JD Vance and State Secretary Marco Rubio—skipped the event in its entirety.

A Magician Took a Peek at Todd Blanche’s Personal Slush(Ish) Fund

Categorically, a “slush fund” is a hidden reserve of money—usually stashed away for discretionary or immoral purposes. And Todd Blanche—who as acting attorney general was unsuccessful in trying to implement a $1.8 billion pot for the president’s biggest cronies; as the Justice Department’s No. 2 helped botch the release of the Epstein files; and just last week vowed to end telehealth abortion—is about as immoral as immoral gets. 

So what would you call the wallet of an immoral man?

Friday was headlined by Oz Pearlman, a MAGA “mentalist” who was also present in April—and who, at the time, accurately guessed Leavitt would be having a baby girl in May. In one of his tricks, he also guessed Blanche had exactly $85 in his wallet, which Blanche confirmed was accurate. Ugh. If only we had his services for Tom Homan in August.

How did you do?

So, there you have it! Three things that happened; three things that didn’t. We all deserve a Wolf Spritzer tonight. 

How else, after all, would we get through the president’s not-really-jokes-anymore jokes about a third term? “I won three times, now I’m going to do it again,” Trump said on the stage, tossing on a red MAGA hat. Sigh. If only some things really didn’t happen.

 
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