Last night, I was eagerly waiting for Drake’s album (Scorpion) to drop so that I could confirm whether Drake (my slippery Scorpio kin) was indeed the father of a long-rumored son. He did confirm that, very early on, and also reclaimed his simpering, singing, benevolent lothario persona, retiring the animus he’d adopted as Meek Mill’s tormenter and Pusha T’s antagonizer. On Scorpion, Drake is no longer a menace, not really; he is again docile Drake, a pop culture figure.
My stance on his music has always been one of ambivalent amusement: simply put, I am here for the memes and tweets—the mode in which he exists—but I didn’t have cable as a child so the nostalgic appeal of Degrassi is lost on me. Still, I cherish the cultural artifacts drummed up by the Drake Industrial Complex, wherein Drake does a thing, the internet and culture writers respond (especially women writers, who have, to my mind, maintained a more lucid understanding of The Boy than he has of himself) and the meme factory goes into overdrive. The album was fine (I have yelled “KE KE DO YA LOVE ME,” unprovoked, at least eight times today). But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here for the mess.
I’m here for the mess.
At midnight sharp, with Drake’s tepid, un-sexed falsetto droning in the background, hopped up on Red Bull and nosiness, I commenced two hours of what was the most intense (and honestly impressive) social media stalking of my life. I present to you the full Sophie Brussaux Dossier.
She has connections to both Kanye’s GOOD Music and Drake’s OVO
In 2013, Sophie posted photos of herself on the set of the “I Wanna Thank You” video, featuring Busta Rhymes, Q-Tip, Kanye and Lil Wayne. Kanye and Wayne are patriarchs of the previously feuding GOOD Music and Cash Money. Sophie, as someone with connections to both factions, is possibly the only person capable of calling a truce between Drake and Pusha T. Look for her first appearance about 55 seconds in.
She had a friendship with Drake’s former favorite stripper, Maliah
A careful scrub of her twitter account reveals that Sophie maintained what seems to be a pretty good friendship with Maliah Michelle, who was previously one of Drake’s favorite exotic dancers. He famously retired a jersey bearing Maliah’s name last year. The two apparently vacationed and worked out together. Peep the Scorpio shade as well as Sophie and Maliah apparently bonding over scamming men.
She gave birth on October 11
Sophie instagrammed a photo of her toned tummy on November 8, 2017. The caption reads: “Unfiltered unretouched pic 28 days after giving birth to my 8 lbs-15 oz baby boy Adonis.” Drake also confirmed Adonis’s birthday on the song “March 14.” Stating “October baby for irony sake, of course/ I got this 11 tatted for somebody, now it’s yours.” Eight pounds is also a huge fucking baby.
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