Atlantic Runs Stupid Article About the 'Death of Monogamy,' Then Runs Righteous Takedown of Their Own Stupid Article
LatestThe latest Atlantic features an article called “A Million First Dates: How online romance is threatening monogamy“—a shallow, moony hagiography of “simpler times” trussed up like trenchant social analysis. Huzzah. Online dating, author Dan Slater argues, is destroying monogamy by giving people (he says people, but he means straight men) too many choices (he says choices, but he means vaginas). The market is flooded! How is a man supposed to concentrate on the vagina that he is supposedly in love with when he could potentially upgrade at any time!? Because, as we all know, certain women are “better” than other women, and men have zero control over their behaviors and impulses and are incapable of significant emotional attachment. (Dudes. Serious question. Why are you not hella offended by your own mythology?)
Slater, with almost endearing credulity, supports his arguments via one interminable anecdote about some dude named Jacob, who blames his relationship failures on online dating rather than on his selfish, shitty personality.
Many of Jacob’s relationships become physical very early. At one point he’s seeing a paralegal and a lawyer who work at the same law firm, a naturopath, a pharmacist, and a chef. He slept with three of them on the first or second date. His relationships with the other two are headed toward physical intimacy.
He likes the pharmacist most. She’s a girlfriend prospect. The problem is that she wants to take things slow on the physical side. He worries that, with so many alternatives available, he won’t be willing to wait.
For confirmation, Slater makes sure to consult the (straight, male, probably white) executives of every major online dating company, who woefully confirm that, yes, indeed, their businesses are unceasing fonts of dazzling pussy just waiting to be scooped up by any bored, disgruntled Admiral Sweatpants with an internet connection. They wish there was something they could do, but, c’est la vie. I guess monogamy is dead.
So, clearly, one MILLION problems with this. But before I could get around to writing a gif-heavy takedown, the Atlantic responded with a rebuttal of their own. Ooooooooooooo! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Naturally, this being the Atlantic, Alexis Madrigal’s response—titled, “There’s No Evidence Online Dating Is Threatening Commitment or Marriage“—manages to shred Slater’s ConfirmationBiasPalooza while remaining civilized and measured and academic. I mean, for the most part: