Rampant speculation aside, when I think about what went down in that elevator with Beyoncé and Solange and Jay-Z, I cannot help but be reminded that anytime there is a fight between your sister and your man, it is also — inextricably — about you. Because that’s what it’s like.
Of course, none of us can really know what the deal is in that video. But I think many of us are struck by what it seems like — I am struck by the way it seems like Beyoncé isn’t exactly diving in maniacally to stop it. It makes it seem like she thinks her sister’s angry lunging is justified. Which makes it seem like what Solange is doing is defending Beyoncé, or defending herself. Maybe both.
In a way, there’s little difference. Because when you have a sister, it’s sometimes hard to know where that line is. As someone who has three sisters, whose mother has only sisters, whose grandmother had only sisters, I have seen the myriad ways relationships between women and their sisters can play out, and the continual, evolving blurred lines of boundaries. Not just in terms of the varying levels of harmony versus acrimony that can occur between them, but also because of everything that can come up when a dude is added to the mix.
Yes, sisters can be competitive and fiercely protective of one another, often simultaneously, but it’s even more complicated than that. When a sister marries, that union can be a reflection of everything you too might choose or attract in a mate. Or not. After all, what is a sister but a terrifyingly close example of your own genetic code scrambled up just slightly different, for better or for worse, for envy or for pity, forever and ever?
And what is her man but an example of the sort of person drawn to that genetic code? I don’t mean to say that any boyfriend/husband of your sister could easily be your boyfriend/husband — sisters certainly can have wildly different tastes (or scarily similar). Just that a man bonded to your sister is a man bonded to you, with the noteworthy asterisk that he is in relatively good standing until he isn’t. He can fall out of favor by offending you (which offends you and your sister) or offending your sister (which offends you and your sister).
Of course, we mustn’t make sweeping generalizations about sisters. In my experience, it’s complicated:
Sometimes all you want is for your sister to find a good man.
Sometimes, when she does, you’re jealous.
Sometimes you think you’re the one who deserves a man that good.
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