Big Hats, Small Hats, Weird Hats, Cool Hats: Charles Is Crowned King

Cue pomp! Cue circumstance! Our former step-parents, the Brits, just crowned a new king—something they haven’t done since 1936. King Charles is stepping into the boy version of the role his dear mother Queen Elizabeth held for over 70 years; a role that one could argue she held onto so ferociously in fear of this exact moment: her sort of doofy, ill-tempered son and his sausage fingers becoming monarch. Real Logan Roy “I love you, but you are not serious people” vibes, if you ask me. Charles is the oldest monarch to ever be crowned in British Royal history. Slay.

The ceremony was full of tradition and ritual, none of which addressed the crown’s devastating legacy of imperialism and racism they’ve perpetuated for centuries. Most recently that racism has been directed at Meghan Markle, wife of Prince Harry, who, in an act of self-care, tapped out of this event. “Someone needs to stay home and water the plants,” I assume she texted the chat.

Others, though, opted to attend Charles’ first day of work and wore whimsical fascinators, fancy robes, and clutched elegant little pocketbooks. While “long live the king” certainly doesn’t have the same ring to it as “long live the queen,” nothing these days seems to be as good as it once was. With that in mind, let’s check out these ‘fits.

The man, the myth, the legend. Puffy fingers and all, Charles looks absolutely bothered to be spending a rainy Saturday morning around so many other people. I can’t help but wonder what those robes smell like.

“You might be wondering how I ended up here,” I’m imagining playing over and over in Camilla’s mind. She’ll certainly go down in history as the baddest side chick to ever do it.

The robe, the glare, the crown—it’s giving imperial Maleficent.

William was probably a bit nervous, because in about 30 minutes he was going to have to kiss his weird dad in front of the world. Hopefully this robe acts like a security blanket and brings him some comfort.

Speaking of security blankets, Harry obviously doesn’t have his this weekend. He looks nice, but I’m guessing he doesn’t get any fancy robes because of the whole disowning-his-entire-family thing. A downside for sure.

The someday-king got to help carry his grandfather’s big heavy robe today. He doesn’t look particularly stoked, but having a task is probably more fun than having to sit still beside your mom.

These two!! I can just sense they are little troublemakers!! Their little outfits make them look like Star Wars royalty, so hopefully that was fun for them.

Siblings or dating?!! (Siblings.) Do I love a coordinating brother and sister moment? Not entirely sure, but I’ll let it pass for now.

What sort of secrets is she hiding in those sleeves? Also, love the headband—I had a similar one from Wet Seal in 2004!

This look is very “head mistress at a school your stepmom sends you away to.” Underwhelming to me, though I do like the matching collar jewels and earrings.

Our number one horse girl, Anne! Happy for her that she got to ride some horses today. I imagine that made her much happier than hanging out with her weird brother. (Lots of people noted that her big feather blocked Harry’s face during the ceremony, so make of that silliness what you will, I guess.)

A gown fit for the Met Gala! I love the dark rimmed sunglasses and bright red purse with the matching shoes. Nice to see an outfit with some volume, too!

I find myself craving a slab of butter on toast looking at this outfit. Delicious. I mean, lovely. Deliciously lovely.

My good girl Liz!! I absolutely love the blood orange schema she is rocking. Liz’s reappearance is like when a major guest role from a past season is reprised and you’re like, “Wait, I totally forgot about her.”

Looking regal and elegant! Of course, dying to know what is in Queen Suthida’s little box.

Queen Anne Marie, Crown Prince Pavlos and Crown Princess Marie Chantal of Greece don’t look particularly happy to be in rainy-ass England. I imagine they left a sunny Greek isle to be here and are rightfully upset. Interesting choice for the princess to have a faux-book pocketbook of “In Search of Lost Time.”

Fuchsia sash! I don’t know what it means, and hopefully it doesn’t mean something horrific, but it is pretty! The trim and bow on the end of it look like pasta! Yum! Mathilde looks just peachy! Why do I want to eat all these people!

What a neckline! I could swim in it! And this fascinator is fun, too, though it sort of looks like a swan has made its way through a jet turbine.

Lovely! I especially like the socks and sandal moment Princess Kiko is committing to. Most comfortable footwear at the coronation no doubt.

This is a hot evil couple. I don’t actually know if they are evil (though being a king and queen gives you a leg up in the evil races) but they look like they cackle over the downfall of their enemies while swirling tempranillo.

Sam looks like she snagged that dress off of Boden’s website last week. David’s lime green tie is a nice attempt to be whimsical.

Princess Charlene come through!!!! The pearl buttons, the soft peach, the frosted tips pixie cut. There’s one real woman in this town, and it is Princess Charlene.

Our girl is out here looking like a damn plastic bag. The hem on this is horrific? The gloves are way too big? And the peplum on the top feels scrunched up? This is not how an American Idol judge ought to dress when representing our country!

Looking good, eh? Absolutely dull and acceptable outfits from these two. I would expect nothing more from Canada’s best.

Loooove the all-coordinating golden yellow from Queen Azizah! King Abdullah looks sharp, but again, I couldn’t tell you what a single one of those little badges means. But good for him!

Can’t say these two look like the world’s most relaxed people. The tiny pillbox hat looks like she’d be a very severe airline stewardess. Get back in your seat! No pretzels for you!

Mary Poppins chic! Honestly sort of shocked to see a luxury brand name at the coronation (on her shoes). It feels...wrong? But Lady Helen Taylor seems like a lady who plays by her own rules!

My favorite royal couple that has a Youtube show!! Zara is Princess Anne’s daughter and her husband Mike has a vlog called “Mike Drop.” No notes.

Louise is channeling a lovely English garden in full bloom! It also looks like there is a little crab claw at the bottom of her earrings, which adds to the mystique.