Wednesday is a great day for older female grocery shoppers who despise young people who aren’t their progeny, because Bauer Publications has launched a new women’s magazine called Closer. As this week is it’s debut, it’s going for only 25 cents. A steal, basically.
The editor-in-chief of the magazine, Annabel Vered, tells the New York Daily News that the magazine is “aiming at the stars that the 40+ woman grew up with. There will be no Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber or Kim Kardashian in Closer.” That’s clear from the first issue: the cover star is…Valerie Harper, who recently left Dancing with the Stars and also revealed that she’s cancer-free, a topic she discusses at length in the first issue of Closer:
After so many months of saying her goodbyes, Valerie arrived for her interview with Closer exulting that she is “signing up for life!”
Sharing the unexpected good news that the test showed her cancer has continued to regress, Valerie tells Closer, “I do believe in miracles.” Still, she candidly admits that, yes, she knows her health situation remains precarious. “It can turn on a dime.”
“She’s well known for the Mary Tyler Moore Show and she was on Dancing with the Stars,” Vered told Ad Week.” She has a whole new group of fans.”
Inside, the magazine apparently features the Kennedys and other actually legitimately royal people, like Prince Harry, Prince George, Kate Middleton, etc etc. The homepage has stories about Judi Dench, Marie Osmond, Nicole Kidman, Lou Reed and Robert De Niro, among others. Also Suzanne Somers, high off of all that sex she has with her husband and her recent Wall Street Journal editorial about how the Affordable Care Act “is a greater Ponzi scheme than that pulled off by Bernie Madoff.” The closest thing to Miley Cyrus is the headline “Pug Dresses As ‘Wrecking Ball’ For Photo Contest.”