What does it take to win Americal Apparel’s “Next Big Thing” modeling contest? Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the Snark breaks down the press release:
Oh my, I think I need to translate this.
Think you fit our hilariously restrictive definition of fat?
Calling fluffies everywhere! Our best-selling Disco Pant (and around 10 other hipster-approved ironic styles) are now available in size XL, for those of you (never us, definitely not us) who want clothes that are actually comfortable and realistically proportioned (but we won’t sell those, promise). We’re looking for non-butter faces (and sadly non-anorexic models) to fill these babies out. If you think you’ve got what it takes to be the next XXXLent (lol nudity) model, send us photos of you and your naked ass to back it up (must be naked).
Just send us two recent photographs of yourself, one that clearly shows your face and one of your body (must be naked and in scumbag sepia). We’ll select a winner to be flown out to our Los Angeles headquarters to star in your own hilariously demeaning photoshoot with your ass in the air. Runners up will win a metric ton of shame. Because that’s how we roll, baby.
Show us your tits!
P.S. Asians please. Particularly hipster East Asians.
P.S.S. Don’t really be fat.
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