Drake Needs a Dating Intervention, Stat

Drake might have the club going up on a Tuesday, but it’s all hurt feelings, ‘It wasn’t me’ texts and police reports by Wednesday. Cute Instagrams of Mama Graham won’t save him from the truth: his dating life is a mess. Luckily, I may have a solution.

With his new album Views From The 6 on the way and two women accusing him of threats for things like Instagraming purses he gave them or purporting to be his girl (earlier this month, one retracted her claim that Drake sent “goons” to silence her about their weekend relationship) it’s high time for a bit of Practical Dating Advice for Drake.

Let’s be honest, shall we? If Rihanna, the continuously unattainable woman, doesn’t give him the monogamous relationship the tabloids swear he wants, Aubrey Graham probably isn’t settling down any time soon. Fine, but in the meantime he’s flying around the world with the newest, hottest Internet model-cum-exotic dancer and most likely acting like her boyfriend when he is in fact, just a fling. To remedy this lapse in dating judgement, I have a suggestion.

There is a book called The Ethical Slut, it is all about polyamory and how to do sex and date a number of people at the same time. There are chapters on polite ménage à trois etiquette, personal boundaries for poking everyone else but your significant other and, probably the most important of them all, consensual non-monogamy. Drake, you need this book in your life.

However, unlike the fair and honest dealings The Ethical Slut promotes, I’m thinking the MC is probably engaging in relationals by sharing his feelings and waxing poetic about his search for The One while cuddling and sexing this week’s lady friend between glasses of very expensive wine. See, relationals are just mirages of real relationships which single people engage in to enjoy short bursts of intimacy, a thing they don’t really have time for or perhaps the desire to attain. I know because I’ve done it. Those things are really convenient and again, they are fine. However the linchpin to executing a successful relationals is honesty. If Drake’s sleeping with one dancer named Jhonni Blaze one week, then humping her coworker Shaye G the next, it’s tacky. But if he was clear that he’s just a man who is out here, none of the parties involved can be upset — and spill to Necole Bitchie later — because they were informed and made their choice accordingly.

Drake is a hot catch in these streets and his stream of interested ladies probably won’t slow anytime soon. But … Aubrey, pull yourself together! Be one of the few rappers that get this fucking around thing right, and adopt The Ethical Slut as your mantra. Stop selling these women the stars when you’re really only able to give them a trip to the planetarium and a Louis Vuitton bag.

Image via vimeo.