Traditionally, love matters were public; courtship took place in the eye of the community, and relationships were business arrangements conducted in agreement for the best outcome for all parties involved. (Except the ladies, in most cultures and cases. But I am referring here to familial arrangement, for the “best.”)
Then, sometime around the age of chivalry, romantic love — as a private notion and indeed as a notion at all — rooted itself into the human mind. Since that time, courtship has toed the line between public and private, romantic and business-oriented, with a significant modern turn towards the private and romantic in the twentieth century.
Enter Facebook. I am very interested in Facebook’s role in this. We add our families, friends, and social networks, give them access to our photo archives and updates, publish our relationship statuses, and post pictures of our new significant others, waiting for the “likes” and comments to roll in. It is approval-seeking and narcissistic, but more than that, if left unfiltered*, it’s kind of a return to ancient, public courtship ritual. Here are a few reasons for saying so.
The Facebook profile as a matchmaking profile for friends and family
In times of yore, the family of a marriageable young person would research the family and social strata of a candidate before approving or disapproving. Nothing has changed, except maybe the fact that research is not so heavy focused on the family now as it is on social decorum. In fact, for parents, I imagine this is the best part of Facebook. Let’s say you’re the savvy parent of a son or daughter of shackin’ up age. Of course you’re going to check up on the person-of-interest to find out if Offspring Dearest is dating a worthless Four Loko-chugging lout who posts nothing but grammatically incorrect, narcissistic rants aimed at the many petty friends who have slighted him or her, or if the child, in a remarkable moment of clarity, has latched on to a decent human who has a job title you’ve heard of, and who has managed to not wear a beer hat in any photos. If the former, you’ll no doubt bring it up with your kiddo at some awkward point. If the latter, you may sit on in smug satisfaction at having raised a person capable of making great decisions. Or you may choose to make a gesture of goodwill toward the new person in the little one’s life. Which brings me to…
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