How Do I Make Sure My Horrible Future Sister-in-Law Doesn't Bring Her Kids to My Wedding?
EtiquetteThe Experts

Hey!
My girlfriend’s older sister, Pam, is a terrible person who literally keeps having children so that the rest of the family will financially support her. (She has admitted to this. She smokes and drinks while pregnant, abandons the kids once she has them, gives them to family members, and then periodically drops in to claim them again to get money or to treat them like accessories. If she is sent diapers, etc., she sells them.) Pam embraces a very “woe is me” narrative even though she is fully supported and has been given countless opportunities. Her children range from being only weeks old to being three years old.
Here’s the problem: I’m getting married in three months, and we have to invite her. It’s a small event—only 30 people are coming, and it’s in a tiny room at a high-end restaurant. I can’t imagine spending an evening there with four babies. We sent Pam an invitation with no plus-ones and dropped some hints that no kids can come. She then mentioned a few days ago that she’s going to bring her kids. We then told her flat-out that she can’t bring kids to the wedding, and she said, “We’ll see about that.” I then restated that kids can’t come, and she rolled her eyes.
I already know that this woman’s going to show up with her babies. When she does, can I say something along the lines of, “Sorry, but we’re really not equipped to handle four little ones, would you mind going home and we’ll celebrate just us later?”
Her whole family enables her and there is nothing I can do about that. But I don’t want her ruining our wedding by bringing her kids, making the whole event about her, and acting like she’s some poor, put-upon victim. I don’t have a problem standing up to her, but turning away a woman with four tiny children sounds heartless and will probably look heartless, too. What should I do?
Thanks for listening. Hopefully you have some advice for me!
Option the first: Ask the restaurant to deal with it. Show them a picture of her and let them know this is a private party and children are not allowed. If need be, hire a security guard for a few hours just so things don’t get too ugly.
Option the second: Fucking straight up call this person and say “You are not welcome at our wedding if you bring the children, period. I need you to promise right now that you will not bring them or I’m taking you off the guest list immediately.”