Hurtful Heels, Zoned-Out Zombies & Crotch Watch: Spring's Worst Ads


Advertisements are supposed to help move product. But some ads are so stupid, inane, weird or pointless, they’re just bad. Hence: Badvertising! The following are from the latest issues of Vogue, Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Lucky.

A reader sent us an email, complaining about this ad, noting that the USDA stamp on the model’s ass is “as though she were a piece of fruit on sale.” Correction! A piece of fruit with great skin.

This Escada ad is educational. It teaches you that Escada makes the stunningly beautiful Christy Turlington look like crap.

At Jil Sander, you can never be too thin. Camera and lighting tricks are used to whittle the body down to a single leg! Even the designer refuses to have her name weighed down by an extra L.

Sorry, but Gisele’s crotch is not selling me these short-shorts. Also, in case you hadn’t noticed, the crotch is the new hot spot.

Gold spangled drop-crotch, for the elite.

Remember when Sheena on America’s Next Top Model tried to “sell” a handbag at a photo shoot by posing with it in front of her crotch? And the judges were like, “No.” And then Madonna posed almost the same way? Kate Moss is the late to the game.

People! Stop trying to make jumpsuits happen! I know Sadie likes them, I know some of you own them, but it looks like Beyoncé is wearing a full diaper. House Of Diarrhea.


I’ve been watching too much RuPaul’s Drag Race, because I can’t even say what I thought when I saw this. Hint: Not “sexy.”

Zombies: So hot right now.

Forget the misleading language when it comes to the “microscopic” calories and “tiny” grams of fat. That freakin’ cow is using a measuring tape.

So imagine the Oscar Mayer people sitting around a table, saying: Hmm, how can we make our ad more “now”? We need some “hip” lingo to throw in there. How about “blog”? That’s what the young people are doing now, right? Blog? Maybe our sandwiches are bloggable? Or, uh, bloggish? Or blogworthy? Yeah, blogworthy! They’re saying this, knowing full well that the sandwiches are not, in fact, blogworthy, and yet, here is the ad, ON A BLOG. What have I done?

Earlier: Androgynous Robots, Root Beer Vodka & A Fellow In A Frock: Fall’s Worst Ads

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