J.Lo and A-Rod, a.k.a. Mom and Dad, Are Officially Donezo—For Good

CelebritiesDirt Bag
J.Lo and A-Rod, a.k.a. Mom and Dad, Are Officially Donezo—For Good
Image:Frazer Harrison (Getty Images)

The love that got loud between Jennifer Lopez and baseball man Alex Rodriguez was alive, then dead, then alive-ish again. Now, my friends, it is over. For good! They mean it this time.

Page Six reports that despite other reports of the two working on their relationship in the month since they split, the official statement from the couple is that they are “better as friends.”

“We will continue to work together and support each other on our shared businesses and projects,” their statement read. “We wish the best for each other and each other’s children.”

Very mature and nice for two adults, and it sounds like the PR team that wrote this has had this on ice since March, when rumors surfaced that Baseball Man had been leaving his bat in the away team’s dugout, by which I mean allegedly Facetime sexting (?) with Madison LeCroy, a third-tier Bravolebrity on Southern Charm. I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Lopez, but my instinct tells me that cheating on Ms. Lopez by Facetiming a 30-year-old blonde isn’t on the shortlist of things that Ms. Lopez enjoys. I have to imagine someone—many people, probably—were getting loud in ways large and small over the course of their reconciliation month. I don’t mean that in a sex way, but in a yelling way.

Jennifer Lopez needs Alex Rodriguez like I “need” a lil’ filler—absolutely unnecessary but might be nice to have for a few weeks before it wears off. Bad metaphor, but you feel me. It’s over! Bless. [Page Six]

Colton Underwood, formerly known as the Virgin Bachelor, and now known as the Gay Bachelor, is going to dominate the gossip rags for a moment. That is fine because it will be interesting to watch the franchise grapple with this revelation, especially as it considers possibly, maybe, opening up its retrograde format to include queer couples. I don’t think that will happen, but I’m often wrong. Anyway! Here’s some more “news”: Cassie Randolph is “still processing” the news.

Apparently Randolph wasn’t “made aware” that her ex would be going on national television to come out, but she is still working through her feelings on the matter, even though they don’t speak for very good reasons. Because of the fact that they don’t speak, though, wouldn’t it be best to leave Cassie Randolph out of this so that she has a chance to actually process…? I don’t make the rules. [Us Weekly]

Let’s spend one to two minutes looking at this photo of Halle Berry. Note that the caption reads, “mediocre called, i hung up…”

Thank you.

  • Good luck and god bless to anyone who stumbles upon Danielle Staub on dating app S’more. [Page Six]
  • Hello and good evening to “real estate broker and actor” Jarret Sharp who walked past Anthony Weiner in Bryant Park, and took the time to call him a “fucking pedophile, scumbag, cocksucker!” because Weiner is a registered sex offender and Sharp wanted to “raise awareness.” [Page Six]
  • Best of luck and see you in court to Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari, who are being sued by their cable guy because one of their dogs allegedly bit him on the hand. [TMZ]
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