KFC Creates Double Down Hot Dog in Effort to Murder Goodness and Light

In Depth

Goddamit, KFC.

Christ, let’s just get this over with. Hot on the heels of allowing the Zinger Double Down King out of the Seoul Hellgate, they are unleashing a hot dog wrapped in a chicken breast bun, slathered in what purports to be mustard (although I remain dubious), which they are creatively calling the Double Down Dog. Currently, these are only available in the Philippines (thank whichever deity is responsible for that), and they’re only selling 50 of them per day, possibly because any more than that qualifies as ritual human sacrifice and I’m pretty sure the Philippines has laws about that sort of thing.

Everything I can find indicates that yes, this is actually a real product. Here’s a picture of it outside of promos, because if I have to suffer, so do you:

It’s not a question of whether Americans would eat this if it came here. Of course Americans would eat it. We eat fried butter, and fat elvises, and the entire menu at Olive Garden; there’s pretty much no ceiling to the disgusting shit we’re willing to eat. To be honest, I’m amazed they haven’t brought these Double Downstrosities here, because they’d make both a literal and figurative killing.

Ah, well. In the meantime, we’ll just have to kill ourselves the old-fashioned way: pounds and pounds of bacon (and a woefully ill-constructed and exploitative health care system).

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