'Massive Tool' Carson Daly Joins Today Show

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Carson Daly, massive tool, has joined The Today Show, ringing in a self-proclaimed “new era” of the program. He will enroll alongside the other mutants in the X-Academy: Matt Lauer, Savannah Guthrie, Al Roker, Natalie Morales, Hoda Kotb, Willie Geist and Kathie Lee Gifford. While we plebs associate Daly with nighttime, he is “really a morning person,” and gushes that Today is like “TRL for grownups.” “I feel like I’ve been adopted by the first family.” Ughhh, stop digging. [USA Today, Today]

As we probably all know by now, Katherine Heigl and her momager Nancy are high-maintenance assholes. “Wardrobe issues, not getting out of the trailer, questioning the script every single day.” “There were movie-star demands — big rooms, the mother there, all the stuff… It was just a sense of entitlement. The biggest stars don’t do that kind of thing.” [Us Weekly]

Kate Middleton, Prince George and Royal Nanny Jessie Webb stopped off at a McDonalds drive-through on the way to Kensington Palace. I REPEAT, KATE MIDDLETON IS LOVIN’ IT. While it is unclear precisely what meal she ordered, we know it included fries. [NYDN]

Prince William has announced that he is leaving the Air Force to focus on public service issues like charities, bringing up Prince George, and helping Kate finish her fries. [CNN]

Old-timey yet new-timey banjo mongers Mumford and Sons got kicked out of a strip club in the ATL, hilariously. During band member Ben Lovett’s karaoke performance, the rest of the band (Mumford? Sons?) were told to stop filming him, and Lovett raged that the club officials ruined his song.

They cursed off the club staff and got kicked out. Tomorrow it’s back to sipping lemonade out of Mason jars, but THAT NIGHT, it was rock’n’roll. [TMZ]

Since splitting up with 31-year-old Harry Morton in May, Demi Moore has started dating his dad, 66-year old Hard Rock Cafe owner Peter Morton. The two “have been seeing each other up to three times a week.”

“Demi says that thanks to Peter, her toy boy fascination could be over … at 66, she never thought he’d be her type, but she really likes him. It’s a bit strange, but ultimately Harry is happy if they are.” Oo, weird. [Radar Online]

Kristen Stewart glowered at a Middle Eastern prince for 15 minutes in exchange for his $500,000 donation to Hurricane Sandy relief efforts. K. [NYDN]

  • The smell of sticky icky on Justin Bieber’s private plane was overwhelming to the pilot. [TMZ]
  • Ashley Olsen is dating David Schute, CEO of Oliver Peoples (Not to be confused with Tyler Perry, the CEO of Oliver Peeples). [Us Weekly]
  • Drake ripped off an owl pendant for his jewelry collection, like you do. [TMZ]
  • Adrien Grenier and Jeremy Piven are demanding more money for doing the Entourage movie (working title: Entourage: Cool Shots Of L.A. Nightlife, We Are So Cool Bro: The Movie). [Page Six]
  • Beth Behrs of Two Broke Girls was accosted by a neighbor’s dog but is fine. [TMZ]
  • Joe Son, who played a shoe-throwing villain in Austin Powers, was charged with the murder of the death of his cell mate. (He’s in jail for torturing a woman.) Nice dude! [TMZ]
  • Kris Humphries is auctioning off Kim Kardashian’s engagement ring for an estimated $300,000 to $500,000. [Us Weekly]
  • Dr. Ruth broke her wrist and shoulder and had a fantastic explanation: “I tripped. I didn’t engage in sex, but I was thinking about it, and I fell.” [Page Six]
  • Local raccoon Animorphed back into Taylor Momsen for NYFW. [Us Weekly]
  • “Meet The Spicy Shrimp Tacos Amanda Seyfried Loves!” Nice to meet you, tacos. [People]
  • Sinead O’Connor got the letters “B” and “Q” tattooed on her face, which is a crazy coincidence because I have “BBQ” tattooed on my face. [People]
  • “If people get past the point I make, and you actually look at me, you can tell I look more broken than even the song sounds.” Miley Cyrus wants you to write your dissertation on her “Wrecking Ball” video. [People]
  • She also wore weird sheer paneled pants sans underwear. [Us Weekly]
  • Confirmed: Miley/Kanye “Black Skinhead” remix. [MissInfo]
  • There was a real AND fake Leonardo DiCaprio in the same skeezy Meatpacking District club. Identical to the naked eye, but the jig was up when one of them started hitting on a model 15 years younger than him. [NYDN]
  • Hot 97 DJ Mister Cee has resigned from his radio post after being caught on film soliciting sex from cross-dressing vlogger Bimbo Winehouse. [NYDN]
  • In his younger years, Cee Lo Green used to rough people up and rob them with his tiny hands. [Gossip Cop]
  • Lamar Odom is blowing off meetings with his outpatient drug counselor. [Radar Online]
  • Benedict Cumberbatch survived a 2005 armed kidnapping in South Africa. [NYDN]
  • Something about the Duck Dynasty Christmas album but who cares because aren’t you still heartbroken that it’s not actually about ducks? I was sure that after Terriers I would never let myself get hurt again. [Us Weekly]
  • The cowboy from the Village People is marrying his longtime boyfriend. [NYDN]
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