This Week In Tabloids: Another Woman Claims She Had Couch Sex With Jesse James


Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where Margaret and I sink our teeth into gossip from In Touch, Star, Us, Ok! and Life & Style. This week, another tattooed bikini-clad lady hooked up with Jesse James; Johnny Depp rebuffs Angelina’s advances.

“Diets That Work.” Margaret found this very boring; it’s basically bikini pix of Kim Kardashian with notes about what she eats and how much she works out. There are a few recipes for smoothies and salads and so on. Although Britney is on the cover, she is not part of the cover story. They just wanted to show a photo of her in a swimsuit. Also: After reading this story, Margaret had a cookie. Moving on: Sandra Bullock is “losing the child she loves.” A “friend” says of Jesse James’ daughter Sunny: “She has already basically lost one mom, and now it’s like she’s losing another.” This unidentified source puts words in the six-year-old kid’s mouth, saying: “I’m sure she’s crying her eyes out, pleading,’Mommy, come home.'” (Please note how the cover line is, “Jesse’s daughter begs Sandra: MOMMY COME HOME!”) A “pal” says Cameron Diaz is “presenting herself as a sexy and fun alternative to needy Jessica” on the set of Bad Teacher, her movie with Justin Timberlake. “She acts like Jessica doesn’t exist.” Are Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet “secret lovers”? In a word, no. But during her marriage, Kate started wearing an inscribed gold ring that was a gift from Leo. A source says that there have been times that they were attracted to each other, but always gravitate back to a brother/sister dynamic. Lastly, “What I Ate Today” by Ashlee Simpson-Wentz: In the morning, she had Starbucks coffee and a yogurt and granola cup; for lunch she had green salad and pasta with olives; she snacks on chocolate all day, and for dinner she had a Taco Bell Mexican pizza.
Grade: F (decaying tooth pulp)

“Married To A Monster.” Folks, we’re going “Inside Sandra’s Heartbreak.” There are eight pages! A source says Jesse James has been with a few other women and Michelle McGee is “just the first person who’s gone public.” And: “This is not an isolated incident. When Sandra is away, he gets bored.” Another source says Sandra is grieving, and “It’s as bad as when her mom died in 1997. She can’t look at him and can’t talk to him.” There’s a picture, which Us declined to publish, of Jesse James doing the Heil Hitler salute, making a mustache with his finger and wearing an SS-style hat, but an “insider” says: “He’s just a history buff.” Please note: The West Coast Choppers logo is very similar to the Nazi iron cross (see image 7). Jesse James would regularly post internet ads looking for “biker models.” He would check out the photos and invite ladies to the office, and a source says he had a type: hot, tattooed biker chicks with big boobs. Next up, a quote from Dakota Fanning: “There’s a scene in The Runaways with a record player, and they had to teach me how to use it.” She was born in 1994, people! Kingston Rossdale is pretty awesome; evidence is this photo of him wearing pink nail polish and playing with dinosaurs (see image 8). Lastly: Jessica Simpson is starting to “hang out” with Jeremy Renner of The Hurt Locker.
Grade: D- (cracked tooth)

Life &Style
“It’s Over!”
Kim and Reggie went to Costa Rica earlier this month, and it was a “make or break” vacation. Their “shocking breakup” wasn’t because anyone was cheating — the problem is the difference in maturity between Kim, 29 and Reggie, 25. Kim is a “sophisticated buisnesswoman”; Reggie is “like a big kid.” Next: The story about Sandra Bullock’s “baby heartbreak” reveals she wanted to have a kid with Jesse James. Every time she pushed him on it, he convinced her that they needed to wait. “As her biological clock continued to tick, she embraced her maternal side by becoming a stepmom to Jesse’s three kids.” (The first two kids, 14 and 11, are from JJ’s first ex-wife; Sunny, 6, is from his second ex-wife.) An insider claims Sandra’s got a clause in her pre-nup that guarantees she can have access to Sunny should something happen. BTW, Jesse’s ex-wife Janine Lindemulder says he paid people close to her to get her computer passwords and erased old emails he’d sent to her that said stuff like, “I don’t want Sunny to have my last name, find her a new daddy.” Moving along: In an interview with Real Housewives‘ Kim Zolciak, she admits that she is bisexual. She dated DJ Tracy Young when “on a break” from Big Poppa, and denied the story at first because she wasn’t ready to discuss it and hadn’t had a chance to talk to her family. “I don’t believe love has a gender,” Kim says. There’s a handy box on this page titled, “What Does It Mean To Be Bisexual?”; the mag contacted GLAAD for an explanation. Next: Niecy Nash is not interested in losing weight on Dancing With The Stars; she tells the mag: “I want to become better and stronger and more fulfilled as a person, and I can do that with a little wobble in my booty, honey.” Miley Cyrus is 17, but she went to a club where people were — gasp — drinking. She reportedly “writhed” in her “tiny shorts” to the ’80s hit “Take On Me.” Lady Gaga’s father had a fight with Lady Gaga’s boyfriend, Matthew Williams, in the doorway of Mr. Chow in London. Gaga’s family is worried that Matthew is only with her for the fame fame baby the fame fame. And the money. The owner of a restaurant where Lady Gaga and her dad used to eat before she was famous says: “[Her dad] has turned from a nice guy into a mean bodyguard type.”
Grade: D (chipped tooth)

In Touch
“It’s Worse Than She Knows.”
Janine Lindemulder, Jesse James’ ex-wife, says: “He is a chronic cheater. I feel sorry for Sandra, because she was so in love with Jesse that she was blind and gullible. She once said, ‘I finally have a man who has my back,’ and all I could think was, no, you have a man who does it behind your back.” Kate Gosselin had a $35,000 makeover before DWTS (see image 9) including “$12,000 on porcelain veneers for her teeth; $5500 for upper eyelid surgery; $11,000 for Restylane and laser resurfacing of her skin, etc. “She also appears to have eyelash extensions,” reads the text. Or mascara! Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are “living in separate homes,” although the buildings are connected and they’re renovating the main house. A source says “It’s fairly well known that they spend hardly any time together” and “they’ve been fighting constantly.” Next: “They Look Hot From The Front But Not From Behind” (see image 10) is yet another nitpicky, women-can-never-be-perfect bullshit “story.” The idea that there is something wrong with these ladies’ figures is absurd. And we didn’t even bother scanning the page with Kate Winslet. Ridic. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have started sexting — “it’s added some zip to the relationship,” says a source. Breaking: Lindsay Lohan looked “completely wasted” in the passenger seat of a car after a night of clubbing on March 21. A “pal” says: “Lindsay is drinking all the time and falling back into her old drug habits. In every country, she has people who will stay out all night and party with her. She’s keeping really bad company.” Also,”Lindsay has been drunk-dialing people and rambling on about her problems.” Fun. Lastly, “Unstable Britney Can’t Let Go” is about how Ms. Spears and Jason Trawick are “staying together for so many reasons, none of which seems to be love.” A source says: “Jason is more like a best friend than a boyfriend to Britney, but he’s basically her only friend right now.”
Grade: D+ (sensitivity to cold)

“Sandra Was Pregnant With Jesse’s Baby.”
The cover line makes it sound like Sandra was pregnant when she and Jesse broke up, right? Not the case. Apparently Sandra was trying to get pregnant before she found out that Jesse was cheating, and during their five-year marriage, she had two miscarriages. One was right after their wedding; the other was in 2008. Former emloyees of West Coast Choppers say that Jesse’s affairs were common knowledge: “Sexy, big-busted tattooed women were regularly escorted to his office. He was also always looking for girls on MySpace.” According to a source. In 2005, he had to cut short a trip to Vermont with Sandra to fly to LA and pay $70,000 to a former employee who was threatening to go public with their affair. Another employee threatened to file a sexual harassment suit, but he paid her off, too. The mag spoke with tattooed stripper Melissa Smith, who explains that Jesse saw her picture online and via an email address using the words “Vanilla Gorilla,” invited her to the shop. When she was in his office, they had sex on his couch — without a condom. Melissa says: “He never used a condom. I could have gotten pregnant!” Yeah, you could have! She slept with him for about 2 years, and he gave her a “Jesse’s Girl” jacket. This was after Jesse married Sandra, but before Michelle McGee came into the picture. Sigh. Moving on: Mark Wahlberg has “debuted” his beer belly and gone “from ab to flab.” Celebrity anagrams: “Fine In Torn Jeans” and “Not Top Brains made us laugh (see image 11). Hey, Star editors, don’t you think that calling Heidi Montag’s thighs “cellulite-ridden” (see image 12) is going to make her even more psycho? Lay off. Conan O’Brien was relaxing by the pool at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills when he did a surprise stand-up routine. A “lucky poolsider” says: “It was hilarious. The area turned into a comedy club, with guests ordering drinks and food while Conan sat on a lounge chair, sipping a smoothie and trying out jokes for his upcoming comedy tour.” Jennifer Aniston invited Jennfer Garner and Ben Affleck to dinner at her house because she wanted Jen to know “she’s not a threat.” Affleck and Aniston are starring in a movie together, you see. Blind item! “Which soon-to-be engaged famous sister might not be ready for a walk down the aisle? She was spotted hitting on guys at Trousdale nightclub in L.A. and flirting like a single gal.” Reggie Bush picked up a girl named January at a club and they went back to his house; she went in through a side entrance and stayed all night, and yes, there are pictures of her leaving in the morning. January admits that she was at Reggie’s house… But Kim and Reggie were maybe broken up at the time? Lastly, Angie is “humiliated” because Johnny Depp refuses to be seduced by her. The caption here reads: “Sexy Angie is making Johnny so uncomfortable, insiders say, that he’s told his entourage not to leave him alone with her. ‘He and his bodyguards have developed signals,’ reveals a source. ‘When Angelina gets too close, Johnny gives the look and someone runs interference.'” Here are her methods of seduction on the set of The Tourist: She stands too close, invades his personal space, and once even brushed crumbs off of his beard. BRAZEN HUSSY! Once, the script called for them to kiss — just a little peck on the lips — but Angelina used tongue. An insider says: “It totally freaked Johnny out, and he drew away, but Angie just gave him a naughty smile.”
Grade: C- (bleeding gums)

From Us

From Us

from In Touch

From In Touch

From Star

From Star

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin